Motherhood is not always easy. There is great joy along the way. I have gave birth to two boys. One died at the age of 18 due to muscular dystrophy. I have one remaining son who is now 17. I have trouble getting along with him. I really truly hate fighting with him, but it seems we fight more than we talk and relate to each other.
I have great guilt about it too. I often wonder if all the years I was caring for his handicapped brother, have I somehow neglected him. You know, maybe I was just so busy and preoccupied he felt ignored and left to figure out the world alone. It doesn't help that his father has nothing to do with him literally. His father didnt even make it to the funeral of his own son. Their father living maybe 5 minutes drive from the funeral home. I have a great deal of anger and probably hate over that one.
I do enjoy when my 17 year old is happy. I just wish he could be happier more of the time. He never talks about what is bothering him. He keeps everything bottled up inside. He dont talk to me or anyone else. I have had him in counseling 2 different times when he was in 5th grade and in 7th grade. He refuses to go back. He has this anger inside of him. I wish I knew how to help him. I know his father and his brother are surely 2 of the things that bother him. I am sure there more, but its a guessing game as to what-because he wont talk about it.