I Am Scared For My Son

i wrote a story about being the mother of a child with bi polar disorder,well this past weekend he had a melt down i didn't know how to deal with. his father(we are divorced) decided he wasn't going to pick him and his brother up this weekend,and that upset him so he started cycling,going from mania(the high) to the dpressive state(the low). i tried to explain to him that i couldn't control his father and i was sorry that he wasn't coming,this is where he went crazy. He started screaming just shrieking at the top of his lungs,then he told me that i hated him and i didn't love him,no one loved,he was gonna run away that everyone just wished he was dead,and that he was going to kill him self. he is 8 yrs old and this was devastating to me,i didn't know what to say or do,i called his dad to try and get him to talk to him and his father(a non compliant bi polar) said,"oh he just wants attention,there isn't anything in his room he can hurt himself" needless to say it did not help. so my son settled down for a about an hour or two before he cycled again and staarted slapping himself in the face,and shrieking again,then he tried to choke himself with his hands,then he started crying and telling me i just don't feel right over and over. i took him to his shrink today, and she changed his meds,but is still concerned,because he lost some weight (he weighs 58 lbs),she was concerned his cholesterol was a little elevated,and paired with his behavior she recommended that we speak to his pediatrician and get a referal to scottish right hospital for genetic testing,i felt like i was kicked in the gut she asked if he had developmental delays,i told her he had been cholic baby that never slept and he had what they called a hydra seal in his testacles that had to be removed,and as an infant from the time he turned a year till present he would go into these rages and slam his head into the wall or the floor mutiple times. and she recommended again that we get this testing because she thought their might be something underlying. i have just recently accepted that it wasn;t me that made him bi polar that is is something he inherited from his dad,and that if their is something else it isn't me i know this,but why do i feel so crappy???? i have been near tears all day it's just this poor child has been through so much ( he witnessed me being almost beat to death by his father and uncle at the age of 2),and now this i want to protect him but their is only so much i can shield him from....it's my worst nightmare come true...if anyone reads his i do ask that you keep him in your prayers.

tdh1 tdh1
31-35, F
5 Responses Feb 24, 2010

I don't know how things have turned out since you posted this 2 years ago, but with my Husband and Son, when they are having melt downs like that, I find that the best thing to do is latch on to them in a tight hug and refuse to let go.

They are both bi-polar asperger's survivors and refuse to take medication (my husband comes from a long line of bi-polars and insists that medication only makes it worse in the long run, because your body will eventually get used to the medication, but then you will have been out of practice dealing with it for years), the tight hug has been the only thing that consistently works.

thanks again,we go to the pediatrician on the 8th and i am gonna talk to her but my sister who is a teacher and a co worker who has a child with asburgers both think he could possibly have this...we are looking into finding a diagnosis and getting him the help he needs and hopefully me an understanding on how to deal with what ever the problem might be

Hey tdh1, glad you got a little comfort from my comments, believe me my heart does feel for you all. Kids have an uncanny ability to pick the times when we need trouble or kaos least, to make the most impact. Good on you for handling it well and for giving him your love when he needs it most! <br />
Sometimes that is the only thing we as parents can do is to continue to love them even at their most unlovable moments. It is so important as I know with my troubled 8yr old that even when he is screaming at me that I hate him and I wish he wasn't my son, that if I stay calm and keep telling him that those thoughts he has aren't true, when he finally calms down and we talk he knows that my love for him is endless and limitless! Each time deep down we learn a little more about each other and ourselves, even though it may not seem so at the time, being consistant is the only way and it is so important for kids that have such deep and troubled emotions. When there is such disharmony in their life sometimes all they have is the love of one dedicated parent!<br />
So when you are at your most desparate try to cast your mind back to all those times you delt with his problems with love and understanding and give yourself a self hug, you are doing a great job!<br />
How do I know this you may ask? Because you haven't given up! You keep going and keep looking for answers and keep trying to get him the help he needs, that is something to be really proud of! You may say but I have no choice, but we do! We could be one of those people who give up on their kids and stop trying or caring, or who turn to alcohol or drugs etc. But no we keep it together the best way we can and get up each morning and get through that day and the next!<br />
Thinking of you! Be kind to yourself too! :)

thank you it's so nice to know i am not alone it means a great deal,i was late to work because of an episode this morning due to a shirt he did't want to wear,and i listened to him scream at me about how much he hated me and he was gonna go live with a different family,i just let him yell,and before he got out of the car ar school i simply told him i loved him....

Wow your story really touched my heart, I am so sorry for your troubled times & I can feel your desperation & frustration. I hope you have someone close to you that you can off load to or that you can access counselling as you certainly have your hands full. Your son and his depression must be incredibly hard to deal with as only being 8 he hasn't the emmotional experience it takes to understand why he feels like he does and the up & down emotional rollercoaster he is on must be incredibly upsetting and frustrating & I'm sure very scarey for him.<br />
It is really important that you as his mum don't take what he says to you in anger to heart, as his mum you are the only person whom loves him unconditionally and even at eight that is something he knows, therefore he knows that no-matter what he says to you even though it may hurt you, you will still love him. Kids don't at his age have that capacity to be reasonable at the best of times, let alone when they are hurting and in the middle of a melt down!<br />
I too have an 8yr old with anger issues, his father has a schizophrenia so I keep a very close eye on his moods and try very hard to keep communication between us open and make myself available to him always. I also have suffered with depression since my early teens. I have an older son who is 12 and have raised them both on my own. I have no idea how hard it is for you but I know how difficult it has and continues to be for me, my heart goes out to you both and if you ever feel like letting off some steam or just chatting feel free to sending me a msg.<br />
I wish for you much good luck and really hope that you and your son get through these very trying and difficult times, I am not religeous but I will pray for you both and will send positive thoughts your way! All the best!:)