Protecting Myself From My Own Son.

I am 52 and have 2 grown sons.  One - the oldest - is independent and successful.  The youngest is 25 now and has had a difficult life.  Partly because of the choices I have had to make regarding my relationships - with my spouse - but mostly due to his own 'self'.  He is an addict and has an impulsive disorder.   He has stolen, lied, used, and verbally abused me for years. 

He now has a son who needs me - Gram.  Grandson loves me and needs me in his life - like his Mother.  Therefore, I have to put up with his Dad in order to protect and be who Grandson needs me to be.  It is soooooo hard.  It's like my own son has taken me emotionally hostage - as he knows I won't kick him out and make him be independent as long as there is a wee one who needs me.  My son knows I am protecting my Grandson.

For various serious reasons - they have moved in and out.  They are in at the moment and I can't wait for them to leave.  I get home from work and the little love of my life runs to me and tells me how much he loves me!  How joyous.  Then I find out his Dad just stole from my bank account or sold a precious item from me.   What an emotional roller coaster!    It's really exhausting.   I'm so tired of the bad treatment that I think I'm done.  I think I want to walk away from my own son and then maybe his son in order to protect myself.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to let them go and afraid for them to stay.   Like Dr. Phil has stated; "Unless and until the pain of staying the same - is greater then the 'perceived' pain of changing - you will not change".  So true.  It's more complex though when changing or staying the same are both painful.  


milanjo milanjo
51-55, F
2 Responses Mar 4, 2010

You can't allow your son to hold you "hostage". If he's stealing from you, he has to go. How could any court allow him to care for the child? There are other options if your strong enough!

I think you are old enough to make that hard decision, cause you can carry the cross of love for them, so do it. Your decision will open their eyes to need challenges, but stuff you have already experienced. Let them learn about life.