Two Days

I t all happened so quick. Jan 6, 2007: my mom got in a fender bender. I mean she barely tapped the car in front of her. Jan 7: She began to have problems walking. Jan 9: She could no longer walk. We brought her to urgent care. They performed x-rays. Told her nothing was wrong. "She just had a bad back," they said. Jan 12: No progress. My mom came up to me and said to me," I think I'm dying." I told her to shut up and not say silly stuff like that. She was going to be around for a long time. Jan. 14: Still no progress. My dad brought my mom to the emergency room. She was severely dehydrated and they admitted her to run tests. She told me to not worry about her and stay in school since this semester of college was just starting. I listened. Jan 15: The doctors told us they suspected lung cancer. They didn't know how long she would make it. Jan 16: 8AM. My dad had called me and told me to come down to the hospital because she didn't have much longer and I should come be with her. I got dressed in the shirt she had just given me for Christmas and rushed over to the hospital.  (I was 20-30 minutes away). By 8am, I arrived at the hospital. As the elevator doors opened, my dad and sister were waiting outside. All they did was come and hold me and break out in tears. She had died 2 minutes earlier. Her organs had disentegrated. Her liver was gone. She had jaundice. She could no longer breathe on her own. My dad and sister had been with her during her last minutes. My dad held her hand, told her to not worry about anything and he would take care of us. At that very moment, her heartbeat faded away. Monday, we would have never guessed she was about to die. Tuesday, there was still doubt. and by Wednesday, she was gone. She was 56 years old. Yes, she did smoke. Yet, for some reason...during the last year doctors had not caught what was going on. Not even through x-rays. The first year was hard...yet I didn't feel the effects that I do today. Today, I have a total of two friends. I don't have a desire to have more. I have an amazing boyfriend. Somehow I am incredibly happy, but there is still that emptiness. I meet someone and I feel like the only thing they need to know about me is that my mother died. I have constant dreams that she didn't really die and she apologizes for going away for so long....every morning I have to remind myself that she is gone.