Sometimes I Miss It

I used to sing in front of thousands of people about 4 times a weekend ten years ago. I started singing professionally about 12, i was a bit of a prodigy. I began singing at about 4, could harmonize read music & play piano at 7. It is strange how much better people treat you when you have a gift or talent. When I got older it started to bother me. I withdrew from people because you never know if they like you because you do something exceptional or if it was really for who I was. I got the impression that they were expecting more than who I really was when they got to know me. They felt I should be different or attributed my introverted personality for snobbery. I love performing but there came a point when it was a burden. Always having people comment on my appearance( "no offense just part of the business"), struggling to keep my weight where everyone wanted it, make-up, doing hair on the bus, being tired, it became like bad music biopic movie( Coal miners Daughter, etc). Then I met my husband, & it didn't mean that much to me anymore. But I was even afraid with him, would he have wanted me if I wasn't the "star" anymore. He did truly love me & I quit abruptly. I made a lot of people angry. I moved back to my hometown and became devoted wife & mother & I have reveled in the obscurity. Now that my kids are a little older I show them videos of my performances and their faces light up when they see a younger, thinner me singing at a concert years ago. "You were a rock star Mommy!" & it makes me smile. I chose to step away & have my life now & it has made me truly happy. Sometimes I get an ache in my heart & miss the high of it all, but that is superficial & fleeting. This life is real & precious.
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3 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Great story, I never made it big but continually gigged for almost 30 years, had to give it up due to vocal problems, still play guitar in bands but nothing like I used to do. I can certainly relate to the thrill of a gig and the recognition you get everytime you walk in a bar/club etc. I must have been a hard decision for you to walk away from that "fix". I still miss it but I guess my time is over. Enjoy your kids though, if there is one thing I would do if I could turn back the clock and that is spend more time with my kids.

I envy you. The extent of my musical talent is guitar hero on the Wii and singing to songs on the radio in my car.

Thanks for the personal glimpse, is it being there, or the singing you miss. Could join a choir, might help.
Do not take this as I am comparing my experience to yours, but I sang in a choir from 7th to 12th grade. I just loved singing, I still hear music, but now I whistle, not as satisfying, but I do it without knowing. I have been asked several times "Whats that tune?" and I say 'What tune' not realizing I am even doing it.

that is really great, your kids like singing, or do they play?

:-) good, sounds like you have the makings of a band there.