Although I've only been married for a year, my husband and I have been together for almost 14, we're high-school sweethearts. He's the drummer and back up vocalist of the band which he formed with his brothers at the age of 13. Needless to say music has and continues to be a life long struggle and pursuit.

Unlike some others I am not a big music fan, the fact that my husband is a musician is not what attracted me to him, but, I realize it is part of what makes him who he is and I accept that. He is hard working, determined and ambitious.

I have been very supportive over all the years, and more understanding and compromising than any woman should have to be. I attend every local gig, I control the lights on stage, I sell the merch, but I don't like doing it.

I have made a point of living my life as independently as possible. I have a PhD and therefore struggle with my own career aspirations. I wish my husband was as supportive of me as I am of him.

I have read many posts written by other women on this subject and empathize with their feelings of loneliness, feeling like you always come second to the music and the inability to plan your future because you've hitched your wagon to someone else's hopeless ride.

Ultimatums and conversations about 'plan B' are a fruitless waste of time. It's always one more album, one more tour. To make matters worse my 'man child' and his brothers continue to be supported financially by his deluded parents in all pursuits musical, it's a meddling in-laws family affair. All I can say is that I'm glad I've never given one red cent to the band and I NEVER will. I am however responsible for all household expenses, which although I knew would be the case going into our marriage, but still resent. No wonder I'm insisting on keeping my last name.

This summer my husband spent 2 months hanging out in LA just to be be there, then 10 days pursuing a networking opportunity in Europe and he's off to the west coast again soon. During this time I have been unemployed and therefore more depressed, stressed and lonely than usual while he's off gallivanting the world.

We don't have children and it's not even a conversation he's willing to have. I'm under no allusions that it would be responsible or a good idea to have kids anytime soon but I hope one day it will be possible. I just don't know if he'll ever come around.

I feel as though I'm being dragged down by his inability to grow up and join the real world. His hatred for 'normal' people living 'normal' lives is putting mine on hold indefinitely until he gets his together, whenever that may be. I know it hurts my family to see me sad and abandoned all the time, I put on a brave face of self sufficiency because I don't want them to hate him, but I'm hurting and unhappy and they know it.

I love him so much and I hate myself for thinking I made a mistake. I don't want to move on, I want him, that's all I ever wanted.

Despite all the bad he's a truly amazing man. I've never been jealous or suspicious about what happens on the road, I know he loves me completely and would never do anything to hurt me in that regard. But I don't think he realized how much other hurt he causes. I could care less if he was a musician. Ultimately I'm afraid to know which he would choose, me or the music.

I've found much comfort in the stories I've read here and I will continue to visit and share. I appreciate any advice on how to deal and will do my best to be helpful to others.
Schmoolie Schmoolie
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 25, 2014

hi just read your story and feel bad. how are things going? if you would like to chat let me know, i can be a good listening ear