Nanny Seeking Advice From Other Nannies.

Hello fellow nannies,

I am currently a nanny for two amazing little guys. I love these boys deeply so that’s why I need some advice. The family I work for is great but lately me and my boss (who is a stay at home mom), have been having some disagreements. For example when I was hired I was told that I would need to do some household chores around the house i.e. fold and put away laundry, clean up after the boys like dishes, toys and making their lunches/snacks, baking and getting them ready. So that I agreed to. As time has passed I'm starting to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I first started working I wasn’t even getting paid minimum wage but I didn’t make it a big deal. I started working for them sometime in September/October of 2011 at that point she already had one son and was pregnant with her second. Shortly after like maybe one or two months later the second baby was born in November of 2011. After a year of working for them they upped my pay by a couple of dollars an hour but only because they deiced to put me on his pay roll (he owns his own business). So going back to the disagreement part, as I stated earlier I was told my duties around the house along with watching the little guys. Now I feel like she's taken it too far, she started giving me these lists with things to do around the house which is have me doing all sorts of things like: cleaning their counter tops and stove, toaster oven, microwave, filing her receipts, cleaning her cabinets, dusting her shelves in the dining room, sweeping, organizing her drawers and it’s even gone to the point where she had me organize their garage and wash/vacuum her car, etc. And the thing that absolutely bothers me the most is, say if I do laundry one Friday before I leave but I don't get a chance to fold it all up or even if I do fold it but I don't get a chance to put it away, it will still be there waiting for me to do the following Monday. Here's something else that really got to me and it still is to this day, so one day she asks me to take the boys outside so they can play (I was folding up laundry when she asked) so I was not able to finish folding the clothes, so I took the boys outside like she asked. A little bit before it was time for me to go she comes outside and says she’ll watch the boys because I need to finish folding and putting away the laundry. This made me furious inside, she was inside the house she could have easily had done it herself but she didn't, she pulled me away from playing with the boys so I could do it. She made me feel as if I was beneath her, like who is she to fold her own laundry. At this point I feel more like a house keeper then anything. I do feel like in the beginning I was a little naive but now I realize and I'm actually getting upset just thinking about it. I don't think it's in my job tittle to do what she is asking of me. So on this Wednesday that just past she put clean all the fan blades in the house on my list and I didn't do it. So on Friday it was on the list again and I told her how I felt that it's not my job to clean her house; I'm not her house keeper. The other thing she did that made me upset was, she put it on the list in upper case letters like this "WIPE ALL FAN BLADES", and everything else on the list was in lower case letters. Is that rude? Or is it just me who thinks that? But anyways, then she went on to say that it would be cheaper to put her oldest son in daycare and hire a housekeeper rather than to have me there. May I add that I fill like I’m under paid as just a nanny for the two kids not even including all the extra cleaning I do. Is it my job do all these extra things around her house? One other thing when having this discussion another thing that got to me was she said they pay me for a “service” and that I'm there to do what she can't, but the way she made it seem in the begging was that I'm there to watch over the boys so that she can get those things around the house done and do her errands. I feel like I do way more than the "service" that she pays me to do. When talking to other people about the situation they say that it's ridiculous that I should be making way more money and that I shouldn't be doing anything other than taking care of the boys and cleaning up after them. So I'm just curious how other nannies fill about my situation? Do you fill like I'm under paid? Does it seem like I'm not only the nanny but also the house keeper? Should I be paid more? Does it seem like I'm being taken advantage of? I thank everyone who reads this. I do appreciate you taking your time to give me some advice about my situation. Thanks again.

An Ep User An EP User
7 Responses Jan 20, 2013

I agree with all the comments on here - you should only be doing house work that related to the kids - helping with their washing (not doing all of it, all of the time!), helping them tidy up their toys, cleaning their dinner things. She is massively taking advantage - that is not normal in a nannying job. Because you've agreed to these things in the past she is pushing it. And threatening to put the kid in daycare and hire a housekeeper - would be a hassle and not cheaper. She's bluffing. You can hopefully find a better nannying job with clearer boundaries and stick to them. Or you need to restate your boundaries to her, say you've been speaking with friends who are nannies and they confirmed what you thought, that you're not her PA, house-keeping, maintenance man and nanny ! How can you do a good job of watching the kids when you're doing all these things too?! And she's gotten lazy and now won't even do her own washing...and what message is she sending to her kids treating you like a minimally paid slave ? If she doesn't treat you with respect, they won't either. You must be exhausted as well ! Something's got to change ! Good luck ! Let us know what happened.

I have been right where you are! I actually quit my job for a short time because I felt like I was being taken advantage of as well. I am now back with them and my bosses attitude has changed so much in the 4 months I was gone. It helped me and I think set boundaries that weren't there before. Sometime I still feel that way, but my family is pretty good to me now so I try not to let it get to me as much because they do do so much for me. I know I don't have a lot of advice for you but I can tell you that you are not alone and I'm sure a lot of nannies feel this way too! Good luck!

In my experience unfortunately a lot of people and families are like this. Is being a nanny what you want to do forever? If not I would quit and find a job that is not so personal and stressful, it's hard when you love the kids but you need to take care of yourself first.
Good luck!

If Nannying is your chosen career...for now, look at this as a learning experience and a stepping stone towards a better job. You'll know what you do want by experiencing what your don't want. Be clear in your interview that you are not a housekeeper but do light housekeeping pertaining to the children. Be kind, thoughtful and not angry. When your employer sees that you know who you are, cannot be manipulated and behave consistantly, they will respect your boundries and what your agreement is. Remember, don't be an angry Nanny, the children will respond to that energy. You are a Nanny, you provide a very valuable service but the value must start with how you think about yourself and what you do. You are important.

BTW I would love to hear an update!

You are under paid. Quit and find another job. It will be easier for you to find another nanny job than for her to find a housekeeper and the right daycare for her kids. Keep in mind a lot of day cares have waiting lists. I am a nanny and I do not do any housekeeping except for the baby's things... QUIT find another job. Or tell her to give you a raise... That's ridiculous. Good luck, sucks you're going through that!

you should ask Trinny
shes great at this kinda thing lol I never come on this sit cuz noone ever writes back Trinny does and she gives great advice check her out sorry not trying to spam just trying to help.