Narcassistic Rage.

I am a Narcassist.

I have been from a very young age, cast out and finding myself as the only possible being to turn too, I only love myself, think of myself, and provide for myself. Over time my Narcissism has become a beautiful evolution process that has brought me to where I am today. Here.

Introduced by an aquaintence of mine to EP, I found that here I can speak, be spoken back to, liked and adored! The only problem lies with my dislike of anything deemed....demeaning.

Narcassistic rage occurs in people like me whenever we feel our ego, our beauty or our...well anything that makes us..us, slip away. Mine is diagnosed as an EXTREME case. Example: If someone on here was to dislike a post of mine on this site or to rudely comment on me from any angle, unless a distracting point in thier messege contains some wierd form of comment towards me, then most likely I will be buying a new keyboard (With my wonderful paying job <3) very shortly.

I have been known amongst all the people who know me as dangerous, or "someone to avoid". I have broken arms, noses, and even stabbed some lowly scum who called me a 'douche' with a pen once. I take medicine for this disorder, I see a therepist, and have even seeked outside help. Yet, when it comes down to it, I find that I am happy. Lonely, but happy.
Pertence Pertence
18-21, M
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

hi pertinance, thankyou for your post. i have recently been the object of the rage and even though i think i understand it alittle i know it's still simplified.
would you mind if i asked you a few questions about the whole rage process please? x

I don't mind at all. I aim to please, as it gets me some compliments. Sorry about the late reply I might add, I started back up my education within my community. I've had no time. But now I do, so ask away.

thankyou and don't worry, it's taken me 5 days just to check my emails LOL.

i apologise for any typos in advance. my hands are freezing!
LOL well i'm not going to say you get rage, well done.. but having been through it first hand. i am more motivated to understand it than those watching from the outside.

at what point please pertence do you start to feel threatened by those around you? ..is it the first time they disagree or does the annoyance level just increase until you just explode...and once you do explode..can you rationalise it to yourself? do you really believe what you dole out is justified and do you enjoy the feeling t=you have when you do it?

wow..talk about an inquisition!

of course i can understand being pushed to the limit and snapping. even as an empath type i have one hell of a temper once i lose it but it's the differing levels and psycological processes that still baffles me i guess.

what education stuff are you doing?
take care and thanks again for being open with me.

I usually feel rage most noften when they first disagree, but I've also had it build. I do my best to surpress my anger, so it builds and builds for hours, once or twice its built for days. It explodes feircly, and percisely.

I greatly believe what I 'dole out' is deserved. I find I take pleasure in it actually. I sometimes even enjoy becomeing angry just so I can punch someone in the face, or hurl a rock at them.

I'm doing various education. Right now the cirriculum is Philosophy, Psychology and Sociology. "In this manner, we can learn about ourselves, as well as eachother." Is what they say...

I greatly dislike typo's, yet there one is at the very top of my worded speech, darn this new laptop with it's giant keyboard...pardon the rant.

LOL about the typos. i do try and get stiuff right, but some words i always get wrong but mostly i just can't be bothered. now it's text speak that gets me. in a text FINE! that's what it' for but when you have a whole keyboard... see you got me going off on one now!

right back to the topic....
so with you it is all purely physical your rage is just there, instant and incessant and once you have been violent it goes as quickly as it came?
i am dealing with more pscyological warfair. trying to ruin someone's reputation more than physical, though i have no doubt if distance wasn't a problem...

tell me please pertence i don't really understand not having friends.
it' one of the big differences between narc and empath ( both bring their own problems).
for me there are levels of friendship ranging from i would run out in front of a train to try and help the people closest to my heart and aww that's really sad.... oh look a funny pic. don't worry i do have an evil side, one that takes great pleasure in seeing the ones that have hurt me having some of it back...but it's not normally by my hands, which means i just get to sit back and enjoy.
so i was wondering is the same also true for you, there are levels of family or accaintances that can get away with a little bit more, or you listen to more than others?

i agree with the education statement. it's actually my coping mech..it's called intellectualisation...phew :)

take care pertence.

stiuff? ..shakes head and makes a cuppa, want one?

The rage occasionally stays and festers, burning a hole into my enemies back; usually it just goes away though. As for friends, I live in a Community in which there are 18 total people in my group. I greatly respect our leader, as he has always been just that; the leader. Although if I ever got the chance to throw him in front of a train, I would.

The person I get along with best would probably be a man I'll call...well lets see... Tim. That'll do. Tim is a pacifist, he is also prone to be kind in order to strop quarrel, so he compliments me often. Recently, I met a girl I liked and I am beginning to feel a new feeling of selflessness rather than selfishness...Although I don't know what to really do with these feelings.

hi, again i am sorry for my tardy reply.
where you live sounds intruiging. i would love to ask questions, but remembering this is public i don't want you to give too much away.

your leader sounds like he is well respected, but that is very different to being well liked. i am very interested in your friendship with Tim. (OK, going to try normal punctuation, forgive me if it's still not right).
Would you be able to expand on your friendship with him please?
From what you have said already I identify with him a fair bit.
I am pleased you have met a lass you like, I would also be interested to hear about her. I love the fact it makes you feel differently to normal, though i can understand being confused. Even as an empathic type, my own emotions sometimes baffle me completely.
if you would prefer there must be a way to exchange email addresses so we could talk in private?
again sorry for the delay.
take care Pertence.

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