I Need Some Blinding Optimism Right Now

Ron left for bootcamp today, but I had to say my goodbyes last night at the hotel in St. Louis since I live so far out of the city.
He called me at four this morning when he woke up like he said he would.
Then he called me again at two-ish. He was at the airport, so we got to talk for fifteen minutes. He had been trying to call me all day, but none of the calls would go through. One of the guys he was shipping out with let him use his cell phone when he saw how frustrated Ron was getting. I missed the call, but was able to call back. I feel so much better when I get to hear his voice, but now it's gone. He's going to use his one call from bootcamp to call me, but I know that has to be a short call. Then, I have to wait for weeks before he gets to send letters.
I feel so lost and confused and angry and sad. I just want to punch something. I can't stop crying. I can't eat. I feel better when I'm sleeping, but I can't do that forever. I live in the sleepiest town on the face of the earth, so there's not much to distract me. This feels a thousand times worse than I thought it would. I keep listening to the voice message he left earlier just to hear him. I never thought I could feel like this. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like someone stabbed me in the chest, twisted it around a few times, then took it out and stabbed me some more. I just want him here more than anything... I need him now more than I ever have, but this is the only time I can't have him. I want to feel his arms around me and his lips against my skin...I want him home...
Please, please tell me what I need to do. Please give me some blinding optimism. Please give me some advice. Does this pain ever lessen? Is this ever going to get easier? I'm seriously falling apart...
18-21, F
6 Responses Jul 28, 2010

Thanks Flowerchild, I'm glad to know it's going to get better. I've been feeling better now that I've been getting out of the house with my friends.<br />
And, JakelineMartin, Ron went to the Great Lakes training station. It's the only naval bootcamp in America left. So maybe Ron and your man will end up meeting each other. What's his name? I'll ask Ron if he knows him when I talk to him next.

Don't worry, everyone goes through that! It's awesome when you get your first letter, I know it seems like forever away but it's really not. When you miss him, write him letters! Then when you get his address, you can send all of them to him! I promise it gets sooo much better, Slade is already down to his last two weeks of bootcamp. So keep your chin up girl! Promise promise promise it get's better!

hey girl i know exactly how you are feeling i had to say bye to him july 27 and i got a call from him when he was in the airport too. yesterday he arrived at boot camp and called his parent tosay he made it safe and will call in two weeks.but i know how you feel my heart hurts so bad, all i want is for him to be here too.. i never thought i would miss somebody so much. but i found out too that writting him does make me feel a lot better even if i dont send them. And i have the question as you do if this pain will ever go away. But i think it does get better, but like every think it just takes time. But where did you bf go to boot camp???

Thanks girls. Last night, I got his call from bootcamp which was really hard since I knew it was the last one for a while... I found out that it helps if I write angry letters practically screaming at him, but I'll never send them. It just helps to feel as though I'm yelling at him. lol. Todays been a little less emotional. I'm sure it will slowly get better at least a little.<br />
Thanks for all the advice.

im sorry to hear that but u know a trick that always worked for me was instead of counting the days that i have been without him, i think about how each day is one less till i see him agian.. boot camo is probably the hardest.. for both u but also for him. he has to forget how to be a civilian and learn how to be a sailor... unfortunately us navy gals have tthe to make the same transformation.. we have to become strong and turn into tough girls. but hey if u ever need to talk im here for u. write letters reminding him how proud u are of him. do tell him u miss him but try not to make ur whole letters about how miserable u are with out him. remember that their training is tough and they have to put up with alot of crap so just remind him in ur letters how much u love him and how proud u are of him and specially how much u are looking fwd to his graduation. :) idk if u like reading but that is a good way to make time go fast. like airmansgirlnicole said just work on u :) work out or spoil urself have a movie night with ur girlfriends but make sure that u also surround urself with positive people above it all. good luck girly stay strong and like i said if u need to vent out im here for u :) oh and its ok to be pissed at the NAVY from time to time haha :)

I'm so sorry that you're having a hard time. It effects everyone differently - and I was in your shoes just 7 short weeks ago. What you need to do is start writing. Write every day, even if it's nothing overly interesting. Every night and morning for the first few weeks I would write to mine and it would calm me down and let me feel like I had "talked" to him in a sense. And once you start receiving letters weekly, you have smaller goals to look forward to and it makes the time go so much faster. Unfortunately, it isn't something that ever gets "easier" per say, you just learn how to handle it better. They wouldn't want you to be sad and depressed. Use this time to concentrate on improving YOU and do things that you didn't maybe have the time for in the past! :) Navy GF/Wives/Fiances have the hardest job in the service - but be strong for your sailor - he misses you too!