Looking For Some Advice And New Friends To Share The Same Experience With!

So first off i'd like to say i'm extremely happy I found this. After an hour of searching for navy wife and gf forums I finally found one that I feel will be helpful. My name is Amanda and i've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. I'm 22 and he's also 22. Met at a friends house when we were 17 and have been together since with the excuse of a month and a half long breakup two years ago when we realized we couldn't be without eachother. About two months ago he joined the Navy. I'm nothing but proud and supportive of him. But throughout my whole life i've always told myself i'd never allow myself to be in a military relationship for the reason that I don't think I could handle a long distance relationship. Well it's time to put that thought and fear behind me now because i'm soon going to be in one. My boyfriend leaves January 18th for training and i'm silently freaking out in my mind. I know he doesn't leave for about 4 and a half months but all of the feelings are very fastly creeping up on me. We plan to get married as soon as he comes home from training. It's exciting but very nerve wracking at the same time.

Some issues:
- What if he finds someone else who can meet his needs better than I can?
- When we were broken up for a month and a half I started forgetting the details about his face, his smile, the way he sounded when he laughed, what it felt like when he held me at night, how strong his hands felt against mine, etc. What is it going to be like when we're apart for 5 months or more at a time?
- The thought of him going away and never coming back to me because he likes it better on his own.
- Cheating. (Although we've never had any issues with this subject before, it suddenly has been taunting me lately)
- Getting married and moving away with him and it doesn't work out.
- Coping with the lonely feeling
- Do wives meet other wives when you live on a base that you can hangout with and befriend while the husbands are away?

Just issues like these. I would really love and appreciate some feedback and hopefully i'll be able to help some of you out too. :-)

XoAmandaJ XoAmandaJ
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 5, 2010

Yeah ill definitely have to look into that. His recruiter said that if we married after then wed definitely get off base housing if hes stationed somewhere but i know recruiters lie sooo badly. Idk i hope it doesnt work out that way. Id still stay by his side no matter what but if i cant be with him right away i will be really sad. Thanks for the information! And advice.

Umm, I would like to add this.<br />
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It is wise to get married, if you plan to, before he goes away to boot camp. Because once he gets his orders, and you marry afterwards... the Navy doesn't have to pay for you to relocate, or even allow you to live with him. <br />
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From what I have researched (for obvious reasons) if you are below a certain status your newly wed cannot move in with you, but if you were married before hand she can. <br />
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But from every website I have looked at, if he gets his orders and goes to Italy say, then you get married, then he's by himself in Italy unless you can afford to move there on your own.<br />
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History shows military relationships don't work. My boyfriend and I discussed this before we began dating (he was already in the Navy but we went to college together). It is something the 2 of you have to work at and can't take for granted.<br />
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I can tell you this morning I broke down in tears because I got an apology text because my boyfriend hasn't been able to call me. He apologized for something that isn't his fault. I can also tell you I've kept all the voicemails. And all the pictures he has sent me. <br />
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I cry a lot, but not in front of friends. The majority of my friends were against it until they saw how happy he made me. And let's face it a civilian girlfriend will just say dump him, and a Navy girlfriend will say it's alright. <br />
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It's hard... no lies... but in the end it will be worth it.

You're absolutely right, he's worth every part of this and I know eventually someday we'll look back at it together and respect each other so much more. I always try to think of what they're going to be going through while they're away. How they look forward to that letter as often as possible. I know only because I have a brother who is in the Army and he's stationed over in Germany and has nobody over there. But that's where I start worrying too because he's also a relationship counselor for the men and their wives or vice versa and he told me 80% of military relationships don't work out because someone ends up cheating or can't handle the long distance thing. I'm confident that we'll be the other 20% but that thought of us not working out is still always going to be there. I guess it's kind of a normal feeling because it's such a life changing experience but i'm hoping it just gets better with time and i'm hoping that in the next 4 months before he leaves i'll kind of be prepared and know what to expect and how to cope. I know this site is definitely going to help me cope a little easier though. thanks for the input! :-)