Dumped Before Deployment =(

My boyfriend or ex-boyfiend I should say is hoping to deploy in about six weeks if his arm heals. His team has already left and he feels like he needs to be with them and the only thing he can focus on right now is getting better so that he can join them. We have been friends for ten years and recently started dating again. He decided about a week ago that he can't have a girlfriend right now becase he has to focus on this and doesn't want to drag me through it. He told me that he loves me more than anything and when this is all over he will come back to me and we will be together but until them he wants to cut contact with me to protect me. He thinks it will make things easier on me. I don't see how that is cause I still think about him every day and I am still going to worry every day he is out there that he might not come home. I don't know what to do.I know he cares about me and I believe him when he says that when he gets back we will be together but it kills me not talking to him at all. Before we were a couple we were very close friends. I miss my friend =(
aemohn2007 aemohn2007
22-25
6 Responses Aug 9, 2010

my sailor once tried to leave me to "protect me", i laughed, i still called him every day, wrote and sent him packages, he lasted a week and a half before he admitted he really didnt want to be without me. We have been best friends for seven years seriously dateing for a little over one year. I dont know what you sailor is like, but i feel like i know greg better then he knows himself, and i know nothing is better for eiher of us but to be together. I told him i made im a promise when we first started dating, im a navy gf now and i will b till the day we marry and i become your wife, no matter how hard things get.

Thanks NavyDoll. That makes me feel a little better. We still aren't speaking which makes me sad but hopefully he will reach out to me soon. How long did it take for the two of u to get back together?

Thanks you all for ur advice and kind words. It really does help. I was at dinner a little while ago with a friend and I actually got a text from him after not hearing from him in a week and 3 days. He asked how I was holding up. It was a short and sweet conversation but at least I know he was thinking about me. I know he is my soulmate. Always has been. I know he is going through a lot but it's hard not talking to him. I was thinking maybe to start writing a journal of things I think about and things I do that I would normally tell him and then maybe one day i'll email it to him while he is deployed or something. The letter thing is a good idea but I don't know his Seattle address but I can email him. Who knows... I do know that he is the man I wanna be with forever so as of now I am waiting.

Oh hun!! I'm soooo sorry. I went through the SAME thing. Cameron dumped me because he needed time to "focus". I was so upset that I was the one who decided to cut ties because all he wanted was friendship and I knew I would always want more. It was horrible, but he realized how much he didn't want to do this without me about a month later. And now we're engaged and better than ever. I'm sure you two will get everything worked out. The navy has this way of getting in their heads and making them think that they don't need anyone but each other, girlfriends aren't worth your time and their better off without you. But honestly, they always come around and realize what they let go. Just give him time, I know it's hard but that's all you can do. I'm always here if you ever need anything.

wow i am so sorry this happened to you that really sucks but let me tell you deployment is one of the hardest things you would ever have to go through having to worry is he ok when is the next time i will b able to talk to him when is he coming home and then when his deployment gets extended till who knows when and you find out and it rips ur heart out because you were banking on that set day as the day you would be back in his arms and then to find out 24 hrs be 4 he is supposed to be home that he will not be coming home is one of the hardest things to go through so honestly i can see where he is coming from when he says he does not want to drag you through all of this because take it from me i am living it every day of my life i am in a position right now where i dont know when he is coming home so it really sucks but i think once he comes to his senses and realizes what he really wants out of this relationship you both will be happy with what comes of it <br />
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hope this helps

OK!!! First I am sorry to hear this...<br />
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So before Kevin (my sailor) and I started dating I was in a relationship. To cut to the point he basically said the same thing to me (after giving me a promise ring and saying he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me). He was all baby I love you and I want to be with you, but I just can't right now. And he walked out of my life. I hit rock bottom because the ex then proceed to say everything in the book that was wrong with me and why he didn't want to be with me... all to protect me and get him away from him so I would stop loving him.<br />
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He has come back 3 times (once while with Kevin) and begged me to come back. But I'm like if you could walk out on me 2 weeks after giving me a promise ring why would I take you back. <br />
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He told me he was scared, didn't realize what he wanted in his life, and didn't want to drag me through the ringer because it would hurt me in the end. Because he was afraid if something would happen, what would I do.<br />
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I washed my hands of him and walked away. Because I knew I needed to protect myself.<br />
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Kevin and I had been dear friends for years. I basically gave up on guys and was in a very depressive state. He saw my FB status updates and was all I'm here for you (like he used to do while we were in college together). Well as I dumped my sadness onto him and said I would never find someone to love me for who I am, love my kids, and want to be a part of my life. He told me he always wanted to be with me. And I told him I've wanted to be with him for a while.<br />
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You see in college when Kevin was single, I was taken, and when I was single Kevin was taken.<br />
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I had to think long and hard before I started our relationship. Being in a military relationship is hard, I know my father was in the AirForce. In fact I have a family history of being in the military back before they came over in the 1800's. He is 1,083 miles away right now (I MapQuest it), and yes his home port will be an 9 hour drive but that isn't until the end of November (his ship is being commissioned and has yet to leave dock at the shipyard).<br />
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I had to decide not just on a LDR but a military LDR (long distant relationship). And if I could do it. And he kept asking me if I could. And I realized how many times I let him slip away and I wasn't going to do it any more. I realized I fell in love with him a long time ago as my friend. <br />
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Now that Kevin is on his ship I hardly get to talk to him. But he calls me the first moment he can and texts me whenever he can. And always say this must be so hard on me, and how hard it is on him. But we count the days until we are together. <br />
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I'm thinking your guy got scared. Realized what could happen. And honestly if something does happen you wouldn't get anything, his parents or next of kin would. And maybe that scared him. And he didn't want you pinning away for him while he's away. That he wants you to be happy.<br />
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Kevin tells me all the time if I find someone in Indy that makes me happy to just tell him and go. But trying to convince this sailor he's the one is hard.<br />
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So I'm thinking that's it. That he realized how much he is hurting without you and doesn't want you going through that pain.<br />
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I suggest writing him a letter (if you have his address) and mailing it to him. Tell him how you feel and you want to be his girl. That you will wait. That you miss him as a friend and list the things you missed doing together. And that you will do anything to make this work, including wait for him.<br />
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Or go the other way (whatever you want) and say you're killing me, that this is killing me. And describe in details. And say no matter how much you want to wait, how could he do this, and if he wants you gone you're gone... <br />
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But get it all out in a letter and send it to him (whatever you want). <br />
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Maybe he'll read it and come to his senses.<br />
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We are all here for you!!! Keep your chin up!