What To Do...

It's been a while since I've been on here. Work's kind of been kicking my butt lately, and I've been studying for the professional engineer exam which is a whole other headache...but anyway.

J, who is attached to a sub in Guam, was able to visit me at the end of August/beginning of September. It was nice to be able to see him again, and while he was here he met my parents, and I met his parents and brothers and sister at his brother's graduation from boot camp (navy of course). Actually it was kind of cool to see him and his brother posing together for pictures in their uniforms. They looked really great. J looked really good in his chief's uniform...what can I say, I'm dating a hottie. =)

Things were kind of rough for a little while after J went back to Guam. There were some communication issues going on that he attributed to being stressed out from work and I understood that, we worked it out and things are better.

Now, my dilemma. J has been in for about 12 years now, and up until recently he's been on the fence as to whether he should get out after his time in Guam is finished, or if he should stay, get his 20 in, and retire. For a while he was seriously considering getting out (he was even reading some of the military to civilian transition books), but ultimately he's decided to stay in. He had originally planned to try get assigned to New York for shore duty (he has a house there from a previous assignment) but he's been told there's a chance he could go to Italy instead...see where I'm going with this?

We've never specifically talked about marriage, but it's always been implied. When he was still on the fence, we'd discussed the logistics of me moving to New York or him moving to my part of the country, or wherever he could get a job. But we haven't talked about it lately, and it's making me a little nervous. I mean, he still calls me and he still tells me he loves me, so I'm feeling pretty secure on that front. But I'm worried. I'm worried that he won't ask me to go with him, and I'm worried that he will. I love J, very much. I've pretty much never felt like this about anyone else and it's wonderful and scary. I hate being away from him, and it kills me that he might go to Italy and not ask me to go with him. But on the other hand, if he does ask me to go, I'll pretty much be giving up on my career. I'm a civil engineer and finding work in Italy would probably not be possible, not to mention that I can't keep current on my continuing education credits to maintain my engineering license (if I get my license) if I move out of the country.

I guess I need advice. I don't want to sound pushy, like I'm insisting we get married or else, but I really need to know what he thinks will happen. I need to know what I need to plan on doing for my future. I just don't want to sound like I'm expecting a proposal right away, we do have a year before he is supposed to have a PCS.
CarolynLucille CarolynLucille
2 Responses Oct 16, 2010

I understand your frustration on not being able to talk to someone your age. I'm a little bit younger than you but I hope I can give you a little help, maybe..<br />
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Have you talked to him about how you are insecure about your future together with him, your fear and worries? You might have to drop hints here and there for him to pick up and realize that you need security in your relationship. Or, you can do it head on and talk to him straight forward about all these questions that you're having, as well as the dilemma you have about your career.<br />
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If you guys do decided to get married, you might have to stay behind and stay in the US for you to finish up your engineering license because as you said, there is no other way for you to be able to finish it up unless you want to put it on hold and find a different job in Italy (which I assume you wouldn't want to do).<br />
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For now I would suggest talking to him. I'm just wondering if you guys have been together long enough for you to be comfortable talking about how you feel about the future (marriage) with him. Let me know if you need someone to talk to, just message me (as I won't be checking the stories I've commented on very often. I lost track of them lol)

Well, like I said I don't want to come off sounding like I'm expecting a proposal, because I'm not. Hopeful of course, but who isn't?<br />
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My issues are that I am more than 10 years older than the typical girl in this group. My guy isn't fresh out of boot camp, and I am not just out of high school. I love j more than anything else. But if he doesn't feel the same or want a future with me I need to know.<br />
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Maybe I am just freaking out, but I'm tired of not even having an idea of what my future is going to look like. Especially since he already knows what his will be.