Thoughts

i feel anxious. sad. i’m mad at you. for the same old reason as always.

yet, at the same time, i feel like i can’t complain. i don’t want to complain. i’ve complained before. you’ll tell me to get over it. that you treat everyone this way.

hah.

except yourself.

i don’t blame you.

you love yourself. lucky.

how i wish i could be a ***** to you like you are to me. but, i love you too much. i want to enjoy every single phone call i have with you. i feel like i cause too much arguments.

and i still harbor this resentment against you. til it’ll turn into this tsunami wave of anger. and destroy us…

i just feel so sad and alone right now. like i could cry.

i’m sick of feeling sad. especially over a douchebag like you. tommorow i’ll be productive again. clean my room, study.

i could never make myself leave you. i question if we are indeed right together. being gone away for so long hurts. and you get me, but at the same time sometimes being with you just makes me feel more alone. sometimes you have the habit of saying the right thing, and sometimes you are so clueless and make me more mad at you. like when you said, “would you like me to hang up now?” because i was pissed at you and i was saying “i wanted to be alone.” which isn’t true. when i say that, i really need to be told how much you love me. but i know i shouldn’t fish for compliments. and i don’t ask for any.

but i wish you told me you loved me every night.

i wish i could feel you there, everyday, but i can’t.

i am such a ******* hormonal ***** right now. i wish i could know, that in the future we could work out. marriage, kids, the whole shebang. but you told me not to count on it.

you seem like the type, that could never be tied down, settling down, i know. what with you and your career.

i could be wasting my life right now. while being faithful to you, instead of that i could be doing whatever the **** i want here. and not stressing out about some dude far away.

but, whatever makes you happy.

and i learned not to look forward to anything anymore, like marriage or kids. i'm scared, that it will never happen. maybe, i'll be stuck your girlfriend forever.

i would sacrifice a lot, for your happiness. i just wish you would do the same for me.
bluebells1 bluebells1
18-21, F
May 15, 2012