Doesn't Want To Commit

This is hard for me to write. I know it will be hard for others to understand as well.

I met my sailor 1 year to the day he will ship out for OCS. He had signed up for the navy before he met me in order to finish paying for college. He is a genius, one of the most intelligent and most disciplined people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. He is a nuclear engineer and will start in the navy as an officer.

As soon as we met there was an immediate attraction. Once we started to hit it off he told me he was leaving for the navy in a year and we couldn't work and that he wasn't interested in a relationship since he would be leaving for 5 years.

We continued to see each other but would constantly break things off because we were getting too serious. We tried to just be friends but always ended up coming back together. Before I knew it I had fallen head over heels in love with him. He actually was the one who told me he loved me first. But here is the thing, not once did I ever get the title of being his girlfriend. Not once did he ever change his mind about commiting to me. He is a very rational person and doesn't believe that a long distance relationship could work and most of all that it would not be worth the turmoil.

So here I am. Hopelessly in love waiting for my sailor to leave, but no promise that he is mine. My time left with him is almost over.

I've known for a year that this would come to an end. I've come to accept he is leaving. I've done all the research to find out as much as I could about the navy and what he will be doing etc. I've come to conclude I'm willing to wait 2-3 months after he leaves. To take the risk that he may go through OCS and realize that I mean enough to him to try. And if he still thinks that it won't work, then at least I know I fought for the best man I've ever met. If it comes to that I can only hope to meet someone like him. Because my sailor has turned my world upside down and I'm not ready to settle for less.
arburdick arburdick
May 20, 2012