Am I Being Ridiculous?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years now and he's been in the Navy for almost a year. He's stationed in San Diego which is only about 7 hours away from me but I still miss him. I guess the advice I need is when are you being overwhelming? He works all week and works nights do sleeps all day do we don't talk much at all during the week which I understand. But then on the weekend he goes and hangs out with his friends which is fine but he doesn't talk to me which makes me mad. Should I get mad? I just feel as if he doesn't want to talk to me because he doesn't take the time on the weekend to talk except for a little bit. Is this anyone else's situation? Any advice?
NavyPrincess0310 NavyPrincess0310
18-21, F
5 Responses Sep 8, 2012

Seven hrs is still a good distance away, an like anyone will tell you communication an trust are the two biggest things in a realtionship. If its bothering you, you NEED to tell him. Maybe a visit is due an a good heart to heart rekindling weekend? He won't knw what you don't tell him, so even though we can all agree he shld be calling, txting, skyping an keeping better in touch, he needs to know how important his contact is to. This may also include stepping up your game as well, I knw you feel he needs to COMUNiCATE more but a marriage councler once told me " if your man never changes what can you do to make the realtionship better, to be happy". Maybe sending him more packages an goodies will help him see, maybe finding out what bar him an his friends are at an ordering a round an putting it on your credit card? Make him see your there an you care even if you are 7 hrs away :D

Yeah I try to reach out and communicate. And I just need to put myself in his shoes because I know he's stressed and tired. And I know he needs to put himself in my shoes as well. Sometimes I just don't think about it and I just get mad which instead I need to tell him what's wrong and talk about it instea of just being mad and arguing. And yes a good heart to heart is probably needed thanks for the advice :)

Same situation here - my BF came home after a short deploy to do some stuff on the boat - and 3 days home and no phone call - only a text here and there, promising to call and doesn't. Needless to say we got into a pretty bad argument that ended up with him texting some nasty stuff. He hasn't texted me since, nor called. All I wanted was a phone call, it didn't have to be long - just to know that he was thinking of me. He promised to get Skype up and running - he didn't. He promised to check out tickets - he didn't. He then said he "didn't care" and that I wasn't being supportive. WTF. I've been nothing but supporting him - I even had a crazy anxiety attack that I went to the ER because my emotions are so out of control - and yet he didn't even bother to check if I was alright. I don't know what to do myself.

Well I think you guys should talk it out because I know that if we broke up over that I'd be pretty upset. I understand where your coming from because we get into fights over that but you can't let those little things control the relationship or else youll never get through the struggle of being in a military relationship. Because like my boyfriend said were not like other relationships we have to try twice as hard and work more at it than most other couples that aren't in the military.

he won't respond to my texts.. how long should i give him to cool off? He was the one who said the nasty stuff, I didn't say anything except I was hurt... Maybe one more day before I call him?

I know exactly how you fell. execpt my Faince works all day and I work evengings at home which is three hours behind him. so by the time we really do have time to talk we are both super tired and then on the weekends I feel like he never has time to talk to me. lately we have been fighting alot about it. Im to the point where im going to just try and be as busy as he is so i don't think about it as much.

Yes that's how we are we are on completely different schedules so it's hard. But we do fight to about it but we know we have to new half way and make it work.

Excatly my life right there. we both know that we have to meet half way. sometimes I know he gets fed up with listing to me complain about talking to me and he always tells me if it was as easy as I thought to make the change than it would have all ready happended. He tells me all the time that I am his number one priority but im not right there so the things that are right there always end up first. I understand that but sometimes its hard just to be ok with that.

Yeah it's hard to to keep that in mind when you get mad because you just get mad or argue and don't think about it. But I know I'm important to him i just see things differently sometimes. And yeah he tells me that too that I don't understand how busy he is and how stressful it can be so I know I new to stop getting mad as often and just listen.

Its so hard to just not get mad! I know he tries to me as much as he can but normally when we are fighting about it its because I have just gone and hung out with friends and their boyfriends so I feel extra lonely. But after the latest argument I'm just going to suck it up and take what I can get cuz I have a friend who's boyfriend will only talk through facebook so I guess I'm pretty lucky!

1 More Response

Yes that's exactly how it is it's like I get a few texts during the week maybe a call and the weekends its about his "down time." and I get they need down time because I know his job may be stressful and I told him I want him to talk to me about that instead of goin out with his friends and drinking. I told him I wanted to be able to relieve his stress and not build onto it do he said that Sunday would be our day of having a long phone call. And exactly I'll tell him how I feel and it'll get better but by the next day it's the same thing so I will try and let him know how I feel more clearly and see if it works but I am glad he is making an effort to give us one day to have a quality conversation with him working and me going to school. But thank you for sharing your story and the advice!! Good luck to you and I'm here to help also!

From what my man tells me it seems drinking is just something they do... horrible to think that that is their only relief but who are we civilians to debate the proper methods of stress relief? He also tells me he feels like the only sailor that hasn't picked up smoking cigarettes, but he is suddenly obsessed with cigars. It seems like they manifest their feelings into vices... I can't judge because I would never be brave enough to join the service.

YeAh I can't judge because I drink and I know that's big in the navy an yeah my boyfriend quit smoking. But yeah I just want him to be able to talk to me about why he's stressed and stuff.

I'm going to copy and paste the same reply I gave another navy girlfriend who was having a similar issue on a different post... It seems to me we all have this issue of trying to get our busy sailors to talk to us!<br />
<br />
I had the same situation with my sailor while he was in A school. With our time zone difference, mandatory PT, and his sleep schedule, we would shoot 3-4 texts back and forth during the weekdays. I stayed GLUED to my phone during the times I knew I could talk to him, especially on weekends... weekends he spent de-stressing: bowling, going to the beach, going out to eat, hanging out with his friends.... for a while, I was lucky if during these weekends I got one "I love you!" texted to me every 3 hours. I was devastated that I was not apart of what he considered a break from his stressful week, and I tried to be sympathetic but it's so so hard for us to understand what they're going through from home. I talked to him a couple times about it, I'd get more texts for about a day and then soon things would go back to usual. Then on a Saturday doing my Anthropology homework I told him I was writing a paper about the Navy, and asked him if he wanted to hear it. He told me he would log on Skype. I was ecstatic whenever he would Skype me, immediately running to check my hair and put lip gloss on. I sat and waited for him to log on for 10 minutes, he texted me again that he was just running to get pizza and would be right back. So I waited another 10 minutes, and then I received a text saying he decided to go to the movies instead.. followed up by a "haha." I was furious. Why was getting him to talk to me like pulling teeth?? I couldn't even get 5 minutes worth the Skype with him, there was always a better option. I was so angry that I didn't text him again for the rest of the day. Since I could not understand what was going on in his life, I spilled my heart out into one long (slightly harsh) email about what it was like to live my life, tailoring my day around him and receiving nothing in return. I let him know that I wasn't asking for him to sit with his computer and phone and not enjoy his free time, just that it was those texts shooting back and forth that got me through the long bouts of silence. I told him that when he couldn't even give me that, it truly felt like we were just exes who ended friendly and kept in contact, and that wasn't what I was looking for in a relationship. He in turn told me how he felt, and we met each other halfway, he makes more of an effort and I am more understanding of his lifestyle. If he is serious enough about keeping you around and you tell him that he is driving you away from him, you should see a change.