He Is Still Married... And I Still Love Him.

So... When I met him he told me he had been married, and that he had a son. He made sure to word it so that he would not lie to me outright, but would give me the impression that they were divorced.

The truth is that the both indeed have a very strong dislike for one another and have been separated for over a year and a half now. He just recently sold their family home, and I helped him move into his new apartment after he came back from his most recent deployment.

For the past month or so we, as a couple have had a solid plan for me to move from Pensacola, FL to Norfolk, VA to be with him. However, he did not want me to move in with him- he wanted me to live on my own because I have not had that experience before. He said it was because he needed to know that I would be ok if/when he left again.

This morning, I would have trusted this man with my life- and I was ready to. I was willing to give up everything I have known to move to a place I have only visited twice just to be with him. Now, after I found out the truth, I don't see how I can do that.

When I first met him, I was skeptical. We met in April- and it was like a dream. A fairy tale come true. Yet, I am wise enough to know better that dreams do not come true, and fairy tales are what you read to children to fuel their imaginations. I am not so nieve to believe that a Sailor would just waltz into town on orders for 3 months of training- saying that he HAD a wife, but they were no longer together, and that he wanted a life with me. I was on guard but I went ahead, he was everything I wanted and needed. So... I asked a detective friend to find me two documents- firstly, his marriage certificate, secondly his divorce papers.

At the time my detective friend was unfortunately unavailable for a month, when he came back he promptly found me the marriage certificate, but not the divorce papers. At this point my Sailor had already started his deployment. My friend told me that with both spouses in the military, things like this can be hard to find, and asked me to give him more time before I gave up on my Sailor. I did.

Today, I got a call while I was at work from my friend saying that he could not find the divorce papers anywhere- and it was time to confront my man. During my daily lunch break call to him I said "I need to ask you something, did you file for your divorce in Florida or in Virginia?" after a brief silence he replied with "Neither, I am still married."

Quite quickly after that I told him I had to go back to work and that I would text him. He obviously wanted to explain but I couldn't give him the chance. I was way to emotional at that moment to speak with him anymore.

Afterwards through text, he came clean on the all the dirty details that I needed to know. That she had moved out of their home and into her apartment almost 2 years ago, and that shortly after that they decided that a separation was the only thing for them to do.

When he came to Pensacola they had already been separated for at least a year. He said that he had set up a meeting with lawyers but she had insisted on meeting with a mediator instead, saying it would be more cost effective. Yet, she did nothing to try to move along the divorce and neither did he.

I know that they are not living together, because I helped him move into his new apartment. I've gone with him to drop his child off at her home. He wouldn't even walk in the door, if they ever spoke it was very brief and only about their son.

I'm not sure what to do now. I told him there is no way I am moving to VA without proof that the divorce has at least started. I do believe what he says about them being separated, and that they detest each other now because I have seen it with my own eyes.

I still love him, he is still everything I want and need... however he lied by omition, and it wasn't a small lie either. If you were in my shoes... what would you do?





Kaia1139 Kaia1139
22-25, F
Dec 1, 2012