I Feel So Lost.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He enlisted last year after christmas and has now been in the military for about 9 months now. I live here in chicago going to school downtown while he is based permanetly in California. We were so great before he left. We have always been each others best friends and support systems. We are family to each other. But he and I have never been the couple to do well apart. We are struggling so much now. I only saw him once for a few days several months ago. I have not seen him since. We have trouble setting up times to communicate and he enjoys texting and talking short periods of times, whereas I enjoy long conversations on the phone. We can rarely skype because he lives on a ship and cannot get great signal to do so. I miss how easy things use to be for us. I hate not seeing him for months on end. It has barely been a year with him in the navy and I feel I am being consumed by it. But I love him. And it is clear thats not going to change. But I feel I am losing myself somehow in this. I constantly think about him even though I am so busy setting up a future for myself. I go through an array of emotions constantly and do not know how to handle them. I feel like he and I are losing our relationship, I can feel the distance tearing our relationship apart. Do others feel this way? am I only struggling so much because it is the first year he has been in the navy? we have grown up together. I have never been apart from him for so long. I feel like I am barely surviving the emotional burden this has put on me. I wish I could have him around and be normal again. I never pictured this for us. I am losing hope we can make it. I am scared we won't make it. Does anyone ever feel this way? Sometimes I see women with such faith, such optimism. I want that too. But I am afraid in reality I am a hopeless dreamer. I would appreciate any comments. I feel so lost and lonely right now. I have no one who understands me.
hangingon03 hangingon03
22-25, F
5 Responses Dec 6, 2012

Thank you, it's so nice to have people who understand this situation.

Don't let your emotions deter you from love! There will be times when you really doubt how you're feeling but that's when you have to persevere and push yourself. In the long run, you'll both appreciate it!

I know how you feel. Hopeless.. I have not gone through sub deployment yet. I don't even want to know what it will be like for me. Going months without talking! *sigh*

Are you ever afraid that you aren't strong enough for the relationship? sometimes I feel so weak caught up in emotion.

i think we all get like that me i just get paranoid

A;though I am much older than you I do feel lost when I can't communicate with him for long periods of time. I just pray deployments go fast.