Is It Always Like This?

Like all relationships, my boyfriend and I argue. We disagree, we fix it, and we move on. Which I feel is a pretty healthy way to handle it because obviously everyone is going to have disagreements sometimes. It seems we go through phases where things are great, and then later, a phase were everything seems really awful. Recently, I think this bad phase is caused by the realization that it will be at least six months until we're together again, and we have three years like this. Also, I have been stressed out with school. My biggest fear is that it wont work out because more than anything I want to be with him, truly I do. However, when things get really difficult some nights, I can't help but wonder if we're wasting our time. Is that terrible of me? I feel like having doubts are normal, and for me they're just fleeting thoughts and no matter what i'd never deny how much I love him and that I want to spend my life with him. We talk all the time about getting married and spending our lives together. That is what I want, I just sometimes let the realist in me take over and cause me to have doubts... is this normal?
raeshelle raeshelle
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 7, 2012

I feel the same way. I just felt like the sad stage was over. But the last 5 days I've went to sleep crying. During the day he doesn't talk to me much and I feel like he has time to but he says he doesnt. Instead of just talking to him about it I turn it into an argument bc I get mad. I'm not really mad I'm just sad. I wish he could talk to me more. Ask me how my day was or even want to know. It just seems like he doesn't make the time. I know hes busy but it seems like he would have 5secs to send a message. I feel like we just say a few words and then he says goodnight. Idk why I get angry and ruin his day the last few days. I just don't know what is getting into me. I feel like a crazy person. I regret everything I say before I fall asleep. I just wish I could talk to him in a more understanding way. Idk if this is a stage or what but I tell myself before bed that I won't start an argument the next day. But these last few days have been horrible. I love him so much I just need someone to give me advice that understands

I understand. That is exactly how I felt while he was in A school. I felt like sometimes he just didnt even make an effort to talk, and then I was so frustrated that, when we did talk, we'd end up arguing. I too would always regret everything I would say, and then apologize for everything even if some things I said may have been true. Despite our small but frequent arguments, I would still never deny just how much I love him. I think maybe that is the key. I mean, I have talked to quite a few people lately who are just in normal long distance relationship due to college, and they still get to see their significant other on holidays and some weekends, and they go through the same stuff. That made me feel alot better for sure because if that is a pretty normal problem for civilian relationships, then i feel we are doing pretty well if that is also our biggest problem. I feel like we have an extra strain on our relationships due to the fact our guys are in the military, so if we can manage to have a relationship as normal as a civilian long distance relationship, I think we can make it work. Over the past few days we have started doing better again. Which I would probably says is mostly due to the fact that he has been really making an effort to talk and make it work. I am sure it will get better for you as well. Best of luck! thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

I have the same type of relationship with mine. We can be super great then all of a sudden hit a rough patch where it seems we are not on the same page at all. I think like you too and wonder am I wasting time? I sometimes feel consumed by the relationship and the pressure to make a long distance relationship work. But what helps me is taking it day by day. Do not think of it as "I have 3 years of this" because then everything will become overwhelming. Truth is we do not know what tomorrow brings or if we will even be alive in 3 years. The only thing certain is the now. So be in the NOW and focus on day to day. If its a good day , recognize that. If it is a bad day, just pray the next will be better. I am glad to know people have the same worries as I do. I find myself questioning how I myself can be in such an emotionally exhausting relationship and I do not think I can carry on with it. But when he comes home , I remember why we are so great together. hope this helps<3