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I Love Him

Today I was reading my old journal entries of my old break up that was around last year in May 2011. July 2011 we, my sailor and I, got back together and I can totally say that I am glad that we did. I am glad that he gave me a second chance. Just thinking about when we broke up.... it almost brings me back to tears again.

I remember the sheer pain, hopelessness, tears. Of being confused about whether those 'I love yous' he said to me was true-- because he loved me, then why did he break up with me.I told him 'If you love me, why are you letting me go through this, why don't you want me back'.... Isn't that a horrible thing for a girl to say, for her to go on her knees asking for him back? I told him back then, when we were broke up, that I would always love him even if he didn't love me, that I would love to see him anyways even if we weren't dating, that I was always willing to have sex with him even if we were dating...That would be just friends with benefits...

Then one day my sailor on the phone told me to say 'I do' then he said 'I do' and he said we were dating again. LOL.... He hurt me when he broke up with me, but I forgive him for that. We needed the space and I am just happy we are together again.

Now me and my sailor are back together, things are just amazing.The break-up is currently a fuzz to me.It's a thing of the past.

Our relationship has improved since then. We learned more about our love for each other, and what life was like single and how in the end we always had a special spot for each other... We both worked hard to improve things in our inner selves to make the relationship work.... I am happy.But I am terrified of losing him.

But I have faith in him.I believe he will be faithful to me, I believe we both will work hard to be faithful and work on our relationship no matter how busy we are. Sometimes I get sad because I get jealous of other mil couples who are already living togther/married but I step back and I tell myself I'm happy he and I are taking our time. I'm telling myself the wait will be worth it one day. No matter if I am his wife, fiance, girlfriend-- I will always lend him my support. Because I am proud and I love my sailor. No matter what.
GenineFilS GenineFilS 18-21, F Jan 20, 2013

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