Nightmares

The past few nights I've found myself waking up in tears.  During the day, I'm not thinking about my boyfriend being gone until I write in the journal I'm keeping.  For some reason, last night was a lot worse than normal.  I had this dream that we were in some house the day before he was supposed to leave for boot.  I knew he was downstairs and I wanted to badly to go and see him and spend time with him, but I was told I wasn't allowed to because it would make it harder for him to leave.  I woke up every 20 minutes at least sobbing and really confused as to why I couldn't see him.  When I came around enough to realize he was already gone I would just start crying. For some reason it felt like he was right there with me the entire night.  I could almost feel him there.  I miss him so much and its only been a week....

leavealighton17 leavealighton17
18-21
4 Responses Feb 9, 2010

just like he said: stay strong! :) I had a few break downs also when my fiance was in boot, it happens to even the best of us so cry your heart out and then drag yourself back up, look forward to the day you see him again, it will be GREAT, and then before you know it, it'll be over so hang in there.

Thanks so much!<br />
The journal has seriously been the best thing I could have done.<br />
Every day I write in it. It can be anything from "I miss you so much" to "we got 2 feet of snow today!" I tell him what I'm doing that week or what I've done that day. Though, I feel like its kind of stupid, i feel like I'm talking to him even though I'm not...<br />
I also just broke down. I had my text messages saved that he sent me...like the really cute ones right before he left for boot. Like the one that said "Alright babe, this is going to be it. I'll talk to you when I can. I love you. Stay strong

Nights are hard, and it sucks about the nightmares. But after the first few weeks it does get easier. At first after Joe left I cried all the time and lost sleep but by the halfway point I could sleep normally and while sometimes I felt hopeless and sad, I mostly stopped crying about it. The letters will help so much :) I promise it'll get better!

When Brandon left for boot camp, I was the same way. I cried all the time. It was really miserable. But, don't worry, it does get easier. Keep writing him.<br />
<br />
I started keeping a journal/letters to him since I've come home from his graduation. I'm still writing "to" him, just now with more of my general thoughts. He wanted me to start thinking about my goals, my dreams, the things I need to do so that we can work through this. It makes me feel alot better to get it all out and onto the paper. <br />
<br />
Nighttime is definately hard. (Some people will think this is lame but:) Brandon gave me this stuffed puppy last year for valentines day. And, by the time he left, the puppy had a name and had become like, my comfort blanket. I even brought him to college with me. And I feel a little better at night knowing that I've got my puppy here. It's like, at night, I'm not alone anymore.