I Dont Know What To Do

So my BF leaves in June & everyday that passes is another step closer to the day he leaves and im not really looking foward to it. We were separated for 8 months and got back together a month ago. We separated because since he was going to be leaving , he felt that we were heading in different ways.In those 8 months we were separated he met a girl in MEPS who was also joining the navy and they started dating but only lasted 2 weeks.After they broke up, he would call me and say how much he missed me. We were close friends again, and we realized how much we loved each other still. We were together for almost a year. So , he decided to ask me out again a month ago, and said that he didn't want me out of his life and if i would wait for him I told him yes because I really do love him and care for him and i want to be there for him. I'm just scared about whats going to happen when he leaves. He said later down the road we would get married , but what really scares me is the fact that if he'll meet someone else. I mean i trust him and i love him dearly, but im scared that if i wait , and he meets someone else that i would have wasted my time and came back empty handed. My mom is more supportive of us dating again and says that if we realy do love each other, everything will be okay.

However, my dad not so much. He puts stuff in my head like when they are over there that they party alot and theres gunna be a lot of girls and he'll forget all about me and he said the same thing to my bf & that we are too young to know what love is or what we want b/c im 16 and hes 18. My bf told him that , that was never gunna happen and my dad was like " never say never" . My cousin tries putting stuff in my head to saying " Think about it he's gunna be gone for 6 years" and she thinks she knows it all b/c she was married to a marine who ended up cheating on her, and she thinks that all men in the military are the same. None of my friends support me on my decision of waiting for him and no one really seems to understand me or support me but my mother. ( Sorry if im ranting or dont make sense but i need to get this off my chest) I dont know what to do. it stresses me out and he hasnt even left yet

yari41893 yari41893
18-21, F
10 Responses Feb 15, 2010

omg wow ! and what is he in for? my bf is doing Nuke

My boyfriend is in for 8 years too 6 active and 2 reserve. But he might change it to 20 later on :/

aww thanks blue blanket for that and wow why 8 years?

about the girl u said he met he probably felt close to her cause the were on the same career path. that doesn't last. you were the girl with him all along and will stand by him, don't feel totally bummed, my boyfriends in it for 8 years :/

I don't think the marines "seem to get a reputation and seem to think they are cool". They are the one branch in the military whose boot camp is way more extreme than any others, they get exposed to the worst parts of the war, trained to kill and they put their lives on the line every single day so I think that is why a lot of the marines' marriages ended up in divorce. The stress, the job itself, long absence, and young marriage didn't help either. They see stuff we don't see and a lot of times it messes up with their heads after they get back home.<br />
That's my thought anyway

first of all i don mean to diss on marines completly but they seem to get a reputation and seem to think they are cool, this isnt all of them but its a bit of a reputation for the marines as a whole. also he wont be gone for 6 years unless thats how long he signed up for, which means once your 18, if hes not in a war zone, once you graduate high school, move with him. he can apply for off base housing while your not married and the military HELPS you pay for the houseing! then you could get a job working as a civillian on base or close to the base and go to collage online or to a nearby collage.<br />
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second, they dont just party. ya there are girls in the military but your dad doesnt know the sever consequenses that come from mixing with other service members. for one, if they are in different ranks, they will get kicked out. for two, during boot camp, yes they have co-ed stuff they do but they always sleep in different rooms and yes girls cause A LOT of problems cuz they will flirt and stuff but if the guys get caught lookon or flirting, they get in a lot of trouble. they get months of pay taken away or could even get kicked out. so boot camp is reletivly safe. <br />
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after boot, you will be able to be in constant contact with him via phone or computer and if hes not making an effort then you'll know hes not worth it, but even if it wasnt to work out, this whole experiance will make you stronger and a better person so dont regret it, its at least worth a try. you are young and i remember when i was 16 and thought the guy i was with would be the one i married someday, but i was dating loosers back then, your with a really good guy doing something great for the world. be proud of him and keep your confidence up, hes gone to need you soon and after boot camp especially, when you go see him for graduation, you will know if its true or not. keep your head high girly its deffinatly worth it no matter what happens.

yeah thats what alot of us do on here is vent! Your friends you might go to school with or whatever are not going to understand. And about your family not understanding i know how you feel my mom disagrees with me dating someone in the navy but my dad is okay with it, But the thing is your dating that person there not so its your decision. There is always going to be a thought he will cheat on you and trust me he will think the same i think all guys do when they leave but its just because yall are going to be away from each other. I have 2 years till i can move up there and marry him and everything yes its along time but after bootcamp they can call and email and everything also they get 30 days leave a year so he will be able to see you! It seems like 6 years is along time but it will fly by! MY boyfriend leaves March 22 so its getting close! But i know he would never cheat on me. If you trust each other and love each other you will be okay. Plus "absence makes the heart grow fonder" remember that!

awww thanks you guyss soo much , i feel a lot better now

I'm not going to sugar coat this. Yes, they still do go out, partying and drinking, not all of them obviously and not all the time (he might not even be interested in doing it, who knows), but even my fiance did it when he was in A school - he's coming back home in a few days so no more heavy drinking for him unless I'm around lol. I mean, we're turning a quarter of a century soon, geez ;) - I guess that's the form of the typical entertainment sailors have, but if you guys do trust each other and nurture your relationship, you will get through this. Keep the communication line open all the time and support him. <br />
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Your bf is still 18 right, so he'll be save from drinking for a few years unless he bribes the bouncer (which my fiance's underage A school friends did... not a very smart thing to do). When your bf gets his freedom back in school after boot camp where he's in the 3rd phase (you can leave the base all night and don't have to come back at a certain time on the weekends), remind him all the time that you love him and that you trust he won't do anything that will hurt you. If he does get caught doing underage drinking, he'll be in DEEP trouble with his superiors, as well as if he cause trouble while intoxicated but he should know all this by then that it would jeopardize his career in the military.<br />
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Other people may have opinions on what you should do and they're not wrong all the time, but they're definitely not 100% right. You should do what your heart tells you to do. If you trust and love him then continue this relationship. If there's no trust, you'll never be able to go through tough times.<br />
Just like Minnesotagirl21 said, we all get the fear (even me, I'm marrying my sailor next month and I still get a little nervous when he's out drinking) but stay strong! We're all going to have to go through this.<br />
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I understand your fear of him finding someone better and leaving you empty handed but listen, even if he does, it will be a life lesson for the both of you and it will be his loss -and you know it would be ;)- You won't be wasting your time because you will always learn something from your past experiences and mistakes. For now, I suggest you not to stress out and seriously, enjoy every minute you have with him, don't be bothered by all the "what ifs". Sure you can talk about your fears with him, why not? But don't let it get in your way of enjoying the time you have with him right now.<br />
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Best wishes for you and your guy :)

Aw yeah, go ahead and vent. That's kinda what we do here haha. I wouldn't worry about him finding anyone else. My boyfriend is in the Navy and he said that they are getting REALLY strict about like alcohol and partying because they want to get rid of the "drunken sailor" image. And if he loves you I'm sure he'll manage to stay faithful. 6 years is a long time, but it's not forever and you can still be together during that time (that's how long my boyfriend is enlisted for). I get the fear, we all feel it. Best of luck to you!