20 Years...

So my boyfriend leaves in one week on the 24th. As I'm hanging out with my family I get a text from him telling me he's made a decision I'm not going to like. So I hesitantly asked what it was and he's decided to make a career out of the navy. He wants to go in for 20 years and then retire. I was shocked, i had no idea what to say to him. We ended up talking for two hours on the phone arguing about this. I asked him how could he possibly decide that he wants to be in the navy for 20 years when he hasn't even gone to boot. What if he hates it and wants nothing more to get out after his contract is up? So pretty much he told me I had a week to decide whether or not I want to pursue something with him. But I just got out of high school and I have my ENTIRE life ahead of me. I cannot possibly make any type of 20 year commitment right now. I have so many dreams and things I want to do in the next 20 years of my life. We had come to an agreement that we just wouldn't work because our futures are too different. We're both quite stubborn and he's dead set on this being what he's going to do with the rest of his life. But I don't get why he was making this some do or die decision. We had originally decided him being gone and such was going to be hard but we wanted to stay together. But we always knew in the back of our minds that there's a chance this might not work. And when I see him at graduation & see him at Christmas we would talk about how things have been working and go from there. So we decided to stick with our original plan all along. I told him if we do end up getting married while he's in the navy before he makes the decision to reenlist then we can talk about it together as a couple and decide what's best for the both of us when the time comes. But I just don't understand why in the world he decides to make it some huge issue that makes us both like crying on the phone not knowing what to do. Sorry, I needed to vent extremely bad. I love him to death but he can really frustrate me sometimes. We only have one week left and I just want us to be happy..but for some reason that seems to be much easier said than done.  

akchristiangirl akchristiangirl
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 17, 2010

My boyfriend is going is signing for 20 years too.

my boyfriend told me on my christmas day phone call that he was going to stay in the navy...i had no idea...but he has already been through boot and he is in his 2nd deployment. i have had so many people tell me that if i am going to marry a military man than i have to be willing to give up my wants for a career. (which isn't a problem for me, i just want a family with the man i love!) if you are very career oriented, it will be difficult to be with him through this. everything happens for a reason, and you two will figure it out...but yeah, i still don't understand how he could make that decision before he has even gone to boot...i'm here if you need to talk :)

Oh my dear I am sorry. I don't get how boys think they can make that sort of decision before boot either. 20 years! That is a really long time! I am 21 and still not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life! But I have to say that Matthewsgirl has a lot of really good insights, and I agree with her. And you never know, he might change his mind.

My boyfriend and I had a similar, but less decisive decision. We agreed that we'd talk more about it after boot camp and his first few years of service. It's not a decision they need to make right now, I'm sorry your's did. I don't know how I would react to that situation until I was in it.