Meddlesom Parents

Well it don't look like were getting married until she gets back from her first deployment.  After she got into an argument with her parents, she all of a sudden changed her mind.  I just wish her parents would have kept their nose out of it.  I am going to see her March 12 - 15 so hopefully I can show her how much she means to me and that it is ok to get the paperwork done first then have the ceremony and reception later.  She is just trying to please her parents, they don't approve of me, and i told her that they wont be happy as long as she is with me.  I just wish her parents would but out and let us live our own lives!  I know they think that they are only doing what they think is best for us, and I thank them for that.  But, the only people that really know what's good for us is us, right?  My parents are happy for us, so why cant her parents?  I just don't understand it.  Her mom is getting married this Friday to a man, hes a good man mind you, that she has only been with for a little over a year.  But she objects to Carrie and I getting married when she and I have been together for over 3 years.  Does anyone else thinks that's hypocritically? Carrie and I have been through allot together and we still love each other even more than the day we met.  I'm sorry for ranting, I just get a little steamed about it sometimes, and I just wanted to get your opinion on the subject.

jharmon jharmon
26-30, M
8 Responses Feb 22, 2010

yes she knows all of the and we did have plans of havin a jp marry us, but her parents changed her mind. Im hoping that she will change her mind but im not expecting it. But like you said i dont want to pressure her because it will come back an bite me in the future. So what im doing now is im trying to be as supportive to her as i can and be there for her not only physically but mentally and emotionally. Mabby just doing that and showing her that i will always love her and support her and her decisions will make her change her mind, but like i said im not expecting it to.

Hi there!<br />
I hope it all works out for you...My man and I got married when he was on leave after A-school, by a JP in his living room...I couldnt have asked for a more perfect day! Were planning on the reception after Clay's first deployment too! <br />
Do her parents know that it makes more sense financially to get married first? I know it sounds not so romantic, but shell get paid more when she's married and separated from you. We decided to do it this way because our parents were giving us money towards the wedding, and getting WAY too controlling about it, so we decided to hire a jp with just family and have the reception when we can save and afford it on OUR OWN. Maybe knowing that they wont have to help out will convince them? <br />
Either way, she said yes and that's the first step. I know it would be hard to wait, and I really recommend doing it your way, but it sounds like her family's opinions (misguided as they may be) are important to her. You dont want her to resent you years later if she feels like shes pressured. It sounds like youre an AWESOME guy and you only want whats best for her. Hang in there, and congrats on your engagement! Itll all work out, whatever you decide. As long as youre both willing to try, youll make it through anything. Shes a lucky girl to have such a loving and supportive fiancee! <br />
Best of luck

well i hope everything works out and i completly agree with you and im hoping thats what happens with my boyfriend and i hes graduating boot this weekend and then goes straight into aschool for another 14 weeks before being stationd.<br />
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one thing i have learned is that everything happens for a reason! all will work out how its ment to!!!

I kind of understand how she feels. I was brought up to respect my parents and even tho I'm 24 now, I still have that instinct to please them even though I know I should put my life first before pleasing them. Me and my fiance faced the same problem with my parents, I'm not going into details on this post since I've already posted a story about it sometime in Dec 09. What I have learned from this experience is to place what I believe is the life I want over what they want me to be. We (me, my fiance, and my parents) finally reached a compromise, finding something in between what we want and what they want. That's what we're doing anyway :) <br />
I wish you guys the best and try to talk more about this to her.<br />
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Sending you hugs!

yeh thats exactly what i keep telling her but she wont listen, so i'm hoping that when i go up the 12th and be with her she will see that it really is best for us to get married before she gets her duity station. The main reason she don't want to get married before she gets her duity station besides her parents, she thinks that it will be easier financially. but i dont understand that, because if we got married b4 she leaves the navy will pay to move us to her duity station and we can live on base or off base and get BAH. And we wont have to use our savings on moving me to her and paying for a apartment and bills until i can find a job. Its going to be tough either way i just think it would be easier if the navy payed to move us and get us a place to live then drain our savings. I mean dont get me wrong, we are planning on getting married one way or another we both love eachother and want to be with each other for the rest of our lives, were just having issues of when. I think it would be best before she gets stationed and she thinks its best after.<br />
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I have already asked her if she has any fears about being my wife and she said no and that she cant wait, and i have no doubts at all. I have loved her more and more each day that we have been together and i will always love her, but i just have different ideas on what would be best for us.

wow thats a lot im sorry.and you are completly right thats so hipocritical. and as for waiting to be deployed, isnt there a chance that she never even has to be deployed? i hate when people are so close to their parents that they let their parents control their lives. she is a grown up now and can make her own desision. when you see her sit her down alone, and tell her to think about whats going to make HER happy. tell her not to think about you or her parents, just aout what would make her happy, tell her to think about it, leave the room so she has some time alone, and hopefully she will realise that living for her parents happieness is NOT the way to go.

not sure but i do know she dont want to get married until she gets back and who knows how long she will have to wait to be deployed :(

When she gets back from her first deployment? So she's getting deployed right after school then?