Just Feel...alone

Mathew graduates boot camp on Friday!

so...why do I feel so crap?

No, I don't get to go to his graduation...but his A-school is only 3-4 hours away from me, so I will probably see him within the next month. I even drove by the base he will be at today. I took a picture there to send him and left a hidden (laminated against the elements) note in the greenery and will hope I can direct him to finding it once he's there. So that was kind of fun...


But...he's still not here. My sister and cousin--my two confidantes in this town I recently moved to--are both away on spring break vacation, my best friend is enjoying a rare visit from her long distance boyfriend....and like I said, I just moved to this town and don't really have anyone to talk to besides the 3 above mentioned...whom I now can't.

I just want Mathew's voice. I just want his voice on to phone, saying anything at all, reading train schedules for all I care, just his warm, sweet, strong voice....

I may get to hear it briefly for his 'I am a sailor' call this week. Maybe he'll get to use a phone during liberty weekend.

If I could truely be greedy, I want a long conversation with him like we used to have....on the phone, til all hours of the night when he'd keep having to push buttons for the beep to wake me up. Talking until I'm so dizzy with sleep that I talk about everything on my mind that I had hidden. The little things bothering me in the day I didn't want to burdon him with, the little things I loved about him that I didn't want to sound silly saying to him....and he'd listen to me rambling on and say all sorts of sweet reassuring things.

I want that.

I could deal with not seeing him for many more months if I could just have a phone call like that every so often.


But now...I really don't have anyone to talk to.


And I just feel alone...

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6 Responses Mar 14, 2010

i kinda am on the same boat... my bf dosnt graduate until april 23rd, and hes only been gone for 15 days, but i already feel sooo lonely. i've sent one letter and 1 is ready and stampped to be sent out tomorrow and still no reply, he basically lives with me before he left, and now, the house feels empty even tho my roomate and her 3 kids are here, and my bed?! i can't even sleep at night without him...

my bf called on thursday and we didn't get to talk long cause he had graduation practice.

i think we ended up talking for about 45 min, i ran out of class to talk to him :) i don't think its a strict as usual since i lost service and he was able to call me back. i'm not sure how many calls he was allowed to make though. i also got a quick call on thursday i think, but it was only like 5 min or so. hope that helps :)

First, I know what you mean about Wednesday feeling like a lifetime away! (I've been there too haha). As for dealing with solitude... I am facebooking one of my good friends, sent my sailor a few texts (which helped a lot) and bawling my eyes out lol. But the crying has stopped for now, and I feel so much better. I hope you're feeling better MathewsGirl.

if it makes you feel any better you should get the "i'm a sailor" call this week when his division passes battle stations, i got mine the wednesday before graduation :)

I am so sorry :( That is a terrible feeling. And I feel the same right now... I spent the weekend with my sailor and it was great, first time I have seen him since November! But... now hes gone. And I am alone in state far away from my home. It sucks, not having that person you love or any confidants. I feel for you girl! Stay strong! We can do it!