I Am A Neanderthal
Rules Guys Wish Women Knew
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If its up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect gift.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
5. Sometimes we aren’t thinking of you. Live with it.
6. Don’t ask us what we are thinking of unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, sports and cars.
7. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we can’t think of it that way.
8. When we are going somewhere, absolutely anything that you wear is absolutely fine. Really!
9. You have enough clothes.
10. You have too many shoes.
11. Crying is blackmail.
12. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
13. No, we don’t know what date it is. Mark Anniversaries, etc. on a calendar.
14. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound too miss sometimes.
15. Most guys only own 3 pairs of shoes, what makes you think that we know which one pair will go with that dress.
16. Yes and no, are acceptable answers too most questions.
17. Come to us with a problem if you want help in solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is for girlfriends do.
18. A headache that lasts for months is a problem. See a doctor.
19. Don’t fake it, we rather be ineffective than deceived.
20. Anything that we said 6 months ago is inadmissible. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
21. If anything we said can be taken two ways and one of them upsets you then we meant the other one.
22. You can ask us to do something OR tell how to do it – not both.
23. The relationship is never going to be like was the first two months we were going out.
24. All men see in 16 colours, like the Windows default setting. Peach is a fruit, not a colour, neither is Pumpkin.
25. Alcohol is exciting to us as handbags are for you.
26. If it’s our house, I don’t understand why my stuff gets thrown in the shed/basement/attic/closet.
27. What the hell is a doily?
28. If you won’t dress like the Playboy Bunnies, then don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If we hear from an old girlfriend we still briefly fantasize about having sex with her. Don’t worry, the fantasy includes you and her together.
30. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want to see the genie.
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If its up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect gift.
4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
5. Sometimes we aren’t thinking of you. Live with it.
6. Don’t ask us what we are thinking of unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, sports and cars.
7. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we can’t think of it that way.
8. When we are going somewhere, absolutely anything that you wear is absolutely fine. Really!
9. You have enough clothes.
10. You have too many shoes.
11. Crying is blackmail.
12. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
13. No, we don’t know what date it is. Mark Anniversaries, etc. on a calendar.
14. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound too miss sometimes.
15. Most guys only own 3 pairs of shoes, what makes you think that we know which one pair will go with that dress.
16. Yes and no, are acceptable answers too most questions.
17. Come to us with a problem if you want help in solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is for girlfriends do.
18. A headache that lasts for months is a problem. See a doctor.
19. Don’t fake it, we rather be ineffective than deceived.
20. Anything that we said 6 months ago is inadmissible. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
21. If anything we said can be taken two ways and one of them upsets you then we meant the other one.
22. You can ask us to do something OR tell how to do it – not both.
23. The relationship is never going to be like was the first two months we were going out.
24. All men see in 16 colours, like the Windows default setting. Peach is a fruit, not a colour, neither is Pumpkin.
25. Alcohol is exciting to us as handbags are for you.
26. If it’s our house, I don’t understand why my stuff gets thrown in the shed/ba
27. What the hell is a doily?
28. If you won’t dress like the Playboy Bunnies, then don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If we hear from an old girlfriend we still briefly fantasize about having sex with her. Don’t worry, the fantasy includes you and her together.
30. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want to see the genie.
By:
wanderingsage
Age:
46-50
,
Male
