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Reality

How do I know it’s real? How am I supposed to know it’s not in my mind?
Every time it never feels real. It’s like my mind is being controlled. I don’t feel what I want to feel. I don’t see what I need to see. It’s frustrating. How do I free my mind? How do I go back to reality?
The more I think it, more confusing it gets. The protection of the system starts getting stronger. I’m stuck. I realize my mind is not the only rub in my way. I have to do something, but I can’t.
I’m afraid about the stage of madness I’ve reached. But I think: have I really gone mad? I wonder if I’m different from the others. I know about the system. I know everything is not real. Everything is the way they make us think it is. So, I would be the only normal person in this planet. I wouldn’t let the system control me.
The system is cruel. Even though everything is just pretend, the feelings and emotions it creates make us suffer so much, even harder than physical pain. The ties and values they implant in our minds are so hurtful because that’s what makes us vulnerable, but the human being can’t live without them. That’s the controlling secret I’ve discovered myself. I learned how to extract people from my mind and then everything made sense. I realized I wasn’t living a real life. It was all there. In my mind.
However, extracting people from my mind made me become completely different. The human being can’t live in full sanity without other people. I started talking to myself, confronting my own picture. That’s when the problem begun. I was already lost, judging myself, my acts, my own body. And the worst: I started judging the relations I had, the ones I erased from my mind. They never existed, but somehow, they started growing in my mind like a cancer. That’s when I saw it. The system was defending himself. I became the problem. I became a virus.
This simple body cannot hold the loneliness of my soul.
I can’t fight the system anymore.
Dash. That’s what I’m gonna do. Just disappear. The slowest I can, so the system won’t try to stop me.
I shall not be in this world anymore.
macktyron macktyron 16-17, M Jan 16, 2012

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