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The Loss of The Soul And Heart!

I remember when I needed someone that would listen to me and could me feel that I was still someone special- I felt elated when I found this someone at my place of work, despite having rejected the advances of this individual for years and having never felt an ounce of attraction for this man- the difference now was that I felt lonely in a marriage where I felt empty and dying with each day!!!. He was just so caring, so complementary and eager to share moments and emails that were full of tenderness and promise. When I took the step to meet with him at work and on breaks, they were soo meaningful, we conversed about our lives and he too exchanged his stories and realities of disilution in his marriage, I advised him to fight for it and even mentioned ways to improve on the marriage- little I know that I would gradually fall for this man.  One day I realised I was a woman to love one man and would not play for second best, agonising and sleepless nights thinking where my pride had gone- why was I subjecting myself to be this, unhappy to receive and accept a few minutes of a phonecall and even sometimes reminded that his wife or family members were there and he did not have time for me, so many times I needed this friend to listen to me as he had done in the past, but now he was just full of excuses- it broke my heart, nights sobing... I realised that what he had done, used me for his purpose and for his ego...now that he discovered who I was I was no longer a mystery to him or of importance to him. I took measures to distant myself as it was too painful to see him and to hear him say:" you will always be special to me and I will cherish our moments", that was not what I wanted to hear and to this day I don't quite understand these words after all that we shared- I feel only resentment for him, anger but unable to express it to him as he feels there is nothing to talk about and he continues with his life of a family life- I was heartbroken, and felt such a fool that I was thinking I had found my soulmate, someone who did understand me and wanted me really...it has taken me so much to move on and swallow my pride for the biggest mistake of my entire life...I don't cope well with misjudments ans this one was BIG TIME!!! betrayed like no one and taken advantage of...
iluminus iluminus 41-45, F Jul 15, 2012

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