I am confused about life, and never feel like a complete person. It is like building a jigsaw to find there are a few pieces missing, or playing snakes and ladders, nearly winning and then the wrong roll of the dice leads to going back down the ladder or having to start from scratch. Allway's feel like i need a settlement in life as everything i get involved in is ruined by paranoia or reality of people putting you off, finding your week points and tripping you up, all because they don't want you to be successful only week. When can i ever get away from all this. Since I left school i never gave up trying to better my self and get a career, it has been such a struggle getting settled anywhere, allway's some people have not been that keen on me and keep me out. I am still keen and take part in voluntary work and college for the last 12 years, just never get where i want, people are putting me off again. I feel isolated and targated against a lot. I have put up with all kinds of abuse, i just don't know how to break free. I had a peaceful thought that i my spirit came out of my outer shell , and I was floating peacefully like a feather in midst air. It was a lovely feeling, then I started to think of death, how when people go and are at rest. I would not commit suicide as I can not do it, also there has been this trauma in my family. I know there are people who experiance the same or worse, just feel it would be good to talk to others.