Outcast Among Outcasts

I found this website today. I live in the midwest of the United States. This area isn't precisely known for it's ability to accept much outside of the "Christian" norm. I've really been unable to connect with anyone in my area. So, I'm reaching out. My google search was actually "Forums for those who are Masochistic" , as I've always felt alone in my penchant for pain. So many hidden scars, so many looks containing pity or sympathy that I don't want nor need. I have nobody to talk to , really. Not someone who understands . I live in an area where there are many outcasts, yet here I am the outcast among outcasts. Even they have their standards to be "accepted". There is nowhere you can truly be yourself here, and still be accepted. Only, I'll never stop being me or ever pretend to be something I'm not just for a bit of false acceptance. Isn't that simply empty? It's empty in a manner I'll never be able to abide by, or ever understand how others can accept. I have two friends. One of my two friends is my boyfriend, a Master who doesn't seem to understand. And an Ex who has been there for me when he probably should have shunned me, yet he has stayed with me for a few years and I hope we'll always be friends. Other than that, I have noone. I don't really feel alone, or lonely. But I feel that I wish I had some more connections in this world. Perhaps , regardless of it being an online community, this community can give me what I am lacking.
beautifullytwisted beautifullytwisted
22-25, F
Dec 11, 2012