Procrastination, Ruling The Nation

So this morning i woke up at 8am. 15 minutes before my alarm, one of the most annoying things to happen I think you'll agree. Well I started off in the right direction. I got out of bed and made myself some coffee and porridge. Lovely. Had that in bed while watching re-runs of Frasier. Most excellent way to spend a morning.

I then gathered myself up, went and showered. Now i have a hideously ugly bathroom. My Dad and I were meant to redecorate but funds being what they are, and us both being horrid procrastinators, one side has bare hideous wall, the other a manky old grey tile that was here when we bought the place. I hate that bathroom an all that it represents about my personality.

Thats potentially why, after i had showered in the hideous baathroom, i went straight back to bed for and hour and a half. Why am I like this? I don't understand how with all the good intentions I have I end up back in bed or sitting doing nothing.

The pills I am on have this funny wave of calm that creep over me. I get angry or upset in a flash and then as quick as that feeling has come, its gone again. In one way I really appreciate what they are doing for me, I have always had a tendency to over analyse or over react. I can now say that with the intervention of my magic pills I no longer do that. But isn't that taking away the thing that make me... me?

I have since I woke up (for the second time) only sat on my arse and watched tv. No wait, i made lunch and washed the dishes. I put a load of washing on and took the recycling out. Thats not as bad now that I have listed it. Maybe I am just trying to figure out what motivates me. I am struggling to figure that out because I am not sure anymore. At 21 it was going out and getting hammered 5 nights a week. At 16 it was spending time with my friends mucking about and playing silly beggars. at 13 it was probably eating (i started to get fat around that time) but at 27 (28 in 10 days) how do I know what motivates? This depression made me think i wanted to have a baby, a massive life altering thing that I couldn't send back. I was contemplating a tattoo, a gerbil, selling the house. All things that aren't easy and wouldn't make me feel better. So if anyone has any ideas how I can figure out what to do to end this arsehole lazy streak i've got myself involved in then all comments welcome.

I'm now watching the boy in the striped pyjamas and thinking maybe i should get up and hoover or dust? Should I? Am I wasting this time I have got on being lazy? what can I do to get motivated people.... help!!!!
Shedbeef Shedbeef
26-30, F
Dec 13, 2012