I Give Up

first i met this man and we lived together for 10 years then he died of cancer. i was alone and scared i stayed alone for 5 years then i met its guy he was fun and exciting but he had to move away .i met this new guy i didn't care for him to much but he had some problems that i know a lot about and i ended up getting close to him i slept with him twice and got pregnant 2 months later i lost the baby he was very good to me i thought to find out later he was giving me my medications so i would go to sleep and he could go online to find other women and for 7 years that's what he did he would lie and cheat including taking some internet ***** to he's daughter wedding out of state and i hadn't even meet her face to face myself.then he justified it by saying it was my fault. in 2010 i was put into the hospital for over a month i was dying and he started having a affair when i got out he kept it up and i kicked him out and he went to live with her in June of 2011he came back saying he was sorry and that i would be the only one Then he got drunk started a fight and put a loaded gun to my head with he's drunk shaking finger on the trigger. i knew he was about to kill me so i fought him for the gun and it went off went through my ceiling and roof. he went to jail and when he got out he married her now in 2012 she had him arrested and he called me.so here he is drinking off and on trying AA. I love and care about him and he's safety. But I'm so unhappy and he's just doing the somethings from before the internet the other women and he says he's not leaving my house because he has no were to go. I'm sick and getting sicker. I GIVE UP I just can't take anymore i have no more fight in me I'm to sick to old and out of time. i feel hopeless. and alone and that's the all it will ever be :(
tooblueu tooblueu
51-55
Jan 7, 2013