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Need Advice

By: Upset7177

Written on January 29th, 2013

Hi just need some advice...I left my husband 1 yr ago after near 4 yrs marriage....He been abusive towards me since the day I came to this country(I am from asian country).He and his family abused me so much.He used to show tantrums , verbally and physically abusive towards me on very minor things.What I have to eat,wear,where i have to go these are the things he used to decide.I used to cook food for his family and do all things fro them even though i was not living with them.I told my inlaws about my husband's behavior but they didnt take any notice.I left my house twice.He had affairs with other girls and he was very polite with them.He was very kind to his sister in law who used to decide what shall I do in my house.He used to tell lies and once when we were deciding to buy a house,my husband gave all his money he saved over yrs to his brother and sister in law and didnt tell me.Then one day I finally left his house.He was ashamed and said sorry when he realized that I wont come back.( I moved to another town with my brother).He came with his parents to say sorry and instead of saying sorry he said that all was a blame game.Then he took me outside in the garden and s I really love you and care for you and want you back in my life.But i cant forget the bad days though sometimes need him so much as when i see the life is hard for me to live alone then i feel i wish i could change him.I have filed the divorce case in court but dont have enough money to fight it for and he refused to give divorce.I am still in dilemma what shall i do? shall i go back or shall i leave him..I am doing a part time job and a course besause its hard for me to survive .Please give me a sincere advice.forgot t tell you about my mental state as I have now memory problem,forgets things quickly.cant concentrate on anything.I gave him 2 chances but couldnt win his trust .He and his family still think I am after his money and wealth even though I never demand for single penny .Tell me shall I get back to him or not?

By: Upset7177

Age: 36-40 , Female

101 people have read this story

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11 responses

AngelsFallFirst

No one deserves to be hurt, and an abusive relationship isn't love. Abuse tends to follow a cycle and typically escalates, so staying away from him would be a good idea. Keeping supportive people around you, like your brother, can help give you strength. I understand that you have feelings for him despite the pain he has caused you - the pain doesn't erase the feelings. But you have to do what's best for you, and your safety is important. Like another person said, setting small goals and maybe speaking with a counselor can help you process everything that has and is happening. Sending lots of positive vibes and love to you. Take care.

Feb 1
1 like
- Upset7177
  Thanks for your emotional support.Have no words to express my gratitude xx
  
  Feb 4
  1 like
- AngelsFallFirst
  You are very welcome - I just saw that you'd responded. My inbox is always open if you need a friend. :) xx
  
  Feb 9
  1 like
xodousone

Some times the best thing is to set a personal short term goal. Like a better job or to start getting more educated. It will help from being lonely and also take your focus away from him. You should not go back. No matter what he says.

Feb 1
2 likes
- Upset7177
  Yes this is the only way I can keep myself busy and I am doing several courses to engage myself in positive activities though it is very hard to concentrate but I know I can do it..Thanks a lot for your kind words x
  
  Feb 4
  1 like
hasmita

You need love. We all do but not at the expense of an abusive relationship. By standing firm and not putting up with abuse you will find that you will lose the abusive aspects of your life and those who want to abuse you will find that there is nothing for them to work on and will leave. Also you will attract situations where you start to be shown respect. Be strong because there will be tests of your strength. Sending you love and support.

Feb 1
2 likes
- Upset7177
  Thanks Hasmita....Thats very true...this is the support and love i need at the moment.
  
  Feb 1
  1 like
- hasmita
  Thanks. You can read my story 'Lightworkers to the rescue'.Sending you love.
  
  Feb 2
  1 like
DragonflyGreen

It is always hard in the beginning when a relationship ends. It will get better.
Make new friends and speak to your brother for help.
I am not convinced that abusive people can change. So I don't believe you should go back to him.

Jan 30
1 like
Selector1

It will difficult in the begin , but it will get better.
Abusive relationships , no one should have to go through this .
You may need a bit of support , seek some from your brother
Be free from abusive people .
Do not give him a 3 rd time to be abusive to you again
Take care

Jan 30
1 like
- Upset7177
  Thanks a lot....supportive words mean a lot to me as I m in very bad mental state but I hope it will get better slowly and gradually
  
  Jan 30
  1 like

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