My Wife Betrayed My Heart

I have been married for 7 years. I think... Maybe I have just had a room mate for 7 years. I feel like my wife left me standing on a corner and never came back. Yet, I kept standing there, waiting and hoping. Going through the motions, the pain. Feeling lonely and abandoned. Recently, my wife started a new job and made a friend. She told me he was gay and looking for some friends to hang out with. He was very nice and funny. He carried that feminine side that a gay man has and I never saw it coming. I liked him, he played with my kids, he made us laugh harder than anyone has before. He had Thanksgiving with my family. He left on a trip for Christmas and my wife became very depressed. She said she was sick. She kept running to the bathroom with her phone and that is when I found her email account. I hacked into it and there were 692 emails sent back and forth between them.  Needless to say her friend wasn't gay. I can't tell you the overwhelming feelings I have been going through. In one of the emails she had confessed her undying love for him and wanted to fool around with him permanently. I had been trying to get my wife to go to counseling for years but she always refused to go. When I confronted her about the emails she freaked out and begged me to let her stay. She knew that i could and would take our child from her and agreed to go to counseling. I feel like she is staying in the relationship because of our child. For years it never seemed like she took stock in our relationship. I'm stuck. We can't financially afford to separate or divorce. I have a roller coaster of emotions. Counseling seems to help a little but it still seems awkward. I'm mad, I have been humbled, betrayed by someone that knows my heart and would want to damage it. I feel changed as a person inside. I can't concentrate and have highs and lows. I need this feeling to end because it is eating me alive. I guess what they say is true, you can hope in one hand and crap in the other to see which one out weighs the other. I don't want my life to be eeked through. It's not that I don't have self esteem or respect for myself because I do. I'm just Stuck. We have been trying to make the marriage work. Do you know the difference between a kiss and a real kiss? The difference between making love and having one sided sex? Even everything that she has put me through I still love her. I want her to know the pain she has put me through, to understand how I waited and I guess am still waiting. I just want her to realize, for it to be her idea, her original thought without a counselor or Oprah suggesting it. Maybe I am prolonging what is inevitable. I need to be able to believe in hope. I need to be able to believe in something, something real.

aintnosunshine aintnosunshine
12 Responses Feb 18, 2009

Being all alone in life is not the worst thing, being in a room full of people and feeling all alone is. Leave her, for you. She may never realize what she had until it's gone.

I think you need to move on and find somebody else who actually feels strongly for you, both physically and emotionally. It is very unlikely that this marriage can ever be what you want and need.

My heart aches for you! From Australia, to where you are. I hope that one day, I meet a genuine man like yourself!

You will get thru this. Give it a little time, you'll get guidance one way or another.

screw it Id divorce. uUdeserve better. Iv seen ppl in ur situation that are stuck, but man u have to figure a way out fast before its too late cuz they just end up rotting their life away. Kick her out of the house and keep the kid. theres no excuse for it. It will be better for the kid cuz u will be in your bets mindset knowing that cheat isnt around.

People don't change from this kind of perspective because its very primitive reflex at least what I think may be i am wrong but no need to suffer so much start life a fresh until it's too late.

I did nothing because of MY fear. At 70 y/o I now regret it. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

I am not that old to advice but people do change may be not all , Dont be depressed over things that had happened look for future. if you cant see it then move on there is element of risk involved but its not worth if when your not happy

I've been in the same boat. 14 years of marriage and 3 kids. We had a family people envy. As soon as I found that she was cheating, I start the clock...filed for divorce. ' laid my cards down...we have 6 months to figure and fix this. We are now on 4 months. Look forward and put your kids first. Good luck and God bless

I feel bad for you... I know how hard it is to be in a bad marriage regardless of the circumstances or who is to blame. I hope you find some peace and happiness in whatever direction you head.

youll have to really work on this one-sorry!

Sorry for you, I hope she realizes and comes back to you! Or maybe its time you moved on. There is no point in prolonging your suffering. You tried your best, it did not work. File for separation and start a new life on a new note! I just hope it works for you!