Well, not a new member anymore.

Thank you Experience Project for making my life more meaningful. Thank you all of you I met here for all the friendship and love. I will miss you.

*******

About three months ago I was buried in a world of self pity, alone with my thoughts, feeling like my heart was going to burst open if i couldn't find an escape for my mind.

When I typed in "need someone to talk" and found this place, I got inspired and decided to give it a try. Since then, I can't say that my life has changed much but my mind sure has and I learned a lot about people, particularly relationships and social interactions and I learned a lot about myself too.

EP sometimes feels like an alternative universe where time just flies by and all is experienced in a much more intense and faster pace. In a matter of days or weeks, you meet your best friend, a kindred spirit, your soul mate, you fall in and out of love, you get extremely angry and insanely happy.

It's like a little compressed chamber of feelings. People walk in like they have known you all your life and disappear out of sight, like they were never real. And maybe that's the biggest lesson so far. Nothing is real, unless you make it real. Because what is said in here (specially the things about yourself) is not real. I'm not suggesting that it's all false, all a lie, or that is meant purposely to hurt you, but I would never expect that what I'm being told is the truth either.

Of course we are all real and we experience real emotions but because we exist in this highly compressed feeling chamber, everything is blown out of proportion.

If our mind screams that online communications are unreal, fake and distant, our heart keeps insisting it's all very real. In a sense, I suppose it can be and the people you meet can represent very intense fantasies, distilled versions of romantic yearning, and honest articulations, for better or for worse, of your inner life.

We talk about liquid courage, in here is about screen courage. For many people the screen dissolves inhibitions. They are protected by the workable illusion that it is just them and their screen, and that everything under the sun turns on and off with a click.

Since the interaction is limited to words, all tone and emotions are imagined. Someone tells that you are special, that you are pretty, that you are smart (choose your ego boosting poison) and not only do you believe it but your mind fills in the blanks, often constructing this perfect person that sees you for what you are, that understands who you are and your deepest desires.

When something goes different from what your mind has imagined, you turn into a a bratty 6 year old, throw a fit, often go into a passive aggressive mode of giving the other person the cold shoulder, not realizing you are only hurting yourself, since the other often times has no idea of what's happening.

Ultimately, when you put flawed human beings in a room, they do what they do best, start breaking stuff and in a place like this it's easy to start break each other, without even realizing it.

When I first sign in I said I didn't know what I was looking for and that I would know it when I saw it. I think I found what I was looking for: a better understanding of people and myself.

So there you go, my experience about Experience Project so far.

Edit:
Time has pass and this^^ still applies..so I took it out of the darkness of posts of the yore.
deleted deleted
26-30
5 Responses Aug 21, 2014

You are an excellent writer and know how to express your experience, and that is the project…
Thank you, I enjoyed reading, my compliments.

Well....you've pretty much summed it up. It's very well-written ....although, there are those who do actually meet and fall in love which is heartwarming. Me...I love writing...meeting people ...exchanging witty banter and having fun.

Very insightful. and such a refreshing change from all the posts about "EP sucks".
I used to describe relationships on a place like EP by making and analogy to the holodeck on StarTrek. The series had a number of episodes which explored the nature of "holodeck matter" and "holodeck people": they are sort of real, but sort of not real. However, on EP I discovered that one can get past that stage and get to know someone quite authentically.

I've been feel a bit bothered over the last week or so by my recent experiences here at EP, but wasn't even totally sure why. You articulated it perfectly with this! There is a real danger in attempting to fill some vacuum of loneliness here or online in general. There are certainly real friends to be made, but there is also something about the online connection that tends to dehumanize human contact. On the surface it seems great for people like me who have social anxiety, but I wonder if it really is so great sometimes. Maybe it's just a more subtle form of isolation instead of a blatant one. In real life I hide from people. In online life I hide with people. At the end of the day I'm still hiding and isolated. Great writing here at any rate! Really made me think!

Great insights! I definitely do my best re: keeping a perspective. That whole "tone" thing is occasionally a little tricky though isn't it? Like you elude to in your story we hear the voice we want to hear sometimes attached to the words we read. Anyway cool stuff!

A crystal clear story thats is so beautifully written that i almost can relate, co-relate and feel every word thats written on in this page :) :)
To make our life less complicated its always necessary to have a better understanding about people but the true task lies in understanding ourselves the better we understand ourselves the clearer the fogged up roads get... and maybe just maybe there is this slightest chance that people will try to fix broken things and appreciate things they way they are.
ive read quite some stories here but never felt anything like when i was reading your story , honestly its one of *the best stories* ive read here so far... :D