Pregnant and Crying

I'm a new member. I found this sight while typing in "I hate my husband" this morning. The whole this comes down to him wanting to drink and me not wanting him to. People get divorced over irreconcilable differences and this seems to be one. I wish he cared enough to go into rehab but I guess he'd rather see me file for divorce. He thinks I need counseling, and that I just can't deal with life. I'd rather not be married to a drunk, and he thinks I'm not thinking straight. I wish he had enough brain cells left to realize what he's causing me to do. I'm calling a divorce lawyer today and crying out loud why can't he care.

summers5 summers5
31-35, F
19 Responses Mar 10, 2009

I hope thingswoked out for you!

chat me feel free to talk :)

I am sorry to hear that, you need to do what would be best for you and the baby.

Summers5, sounds like hubby is an alcoholic on a run. Been there, done that. 18years+ sober today and too greatful for words.We are an unlovely people when we're in our cups. My heart goes out to you and yours. AA works for me. It was a very good place for me to start putting things right. I believe alcoholism is a "family disease" in that everyone is effected whether they drink or not. .. and all could do with some healing. Alanon might be a good place for you to check into, also. If they're as helpful for the families as AA is for us alchies, yahoo!!!and just in case you don't have a close personal relationship with God, now is a really good time to start building one. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers, too.

For survival in this fast-paced society, we need to find solace amongst the many difficulties and uncertainties that are against us in the world in which we live. When we seek guidance from worldly resources, it can lead to more problems and heartache.<br />
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May I suggest you visit my site for tips on emotional healing and well-being through the grace of God, and find permanent solutions to these very serious challenges facing us today. <br />
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The address is http://ourshepherdsvoice.blogspot.com.<br />
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Best wishes<br />
<br />
Shepherd

Really I pity you. How come you got him on the first place?

Have you thought of or tried an intervention? This may or may not help but it is woth a try. You can ,and should, tell him that if he goes to rehab you will go to counseling. How long have you been married/together? Did he drink like this before you were married or is this something new. Did you drink together before you married and now you feel the responsibilities of an adult and he still is like a single kid? Also, what kind of family do you have neer by who may go in on an intervention with you? My husband does not drink but there is a lot of other ways he has acted that is detrimental to a marriage so I can understand your feeling helpless? Do you go to church and have a relationship with God? If not this is totally what has gotten me to almost 25 years with this man. We may be at our breaking point now since he admited to an afair this past winter but I am hanging on right now and letting Got take the reins, some. Life is hard and marriage is harder. It is constant work and it takes 2 for a marriage to work. Sometimes that is the hardest part, when you know your spouse, this could be husband or wife, just isn't giving the way you need.

It sounds like your husband is trying to make you feel like you are going insane, blaming you when its obvious the blame lays squarly at his door. You have to do the best for your kids and yourself, the house is purely bricks and mortar, you on the other hand have to be happy in life. you must be strong, dont let him do this to you<br />
My thoughts are with you, good luck with whatever decision you make<br />
annie.x

Thanks for replying to my story, you really helped. Ignore all these men's comments about you which are negative, I feel for you cos I know what it is like when your partner won't take responsibility for their own behaviour - whether it is debt or alcohol or whatever. Good luck girl, and message me if you want to chat xxx

Dear summers, it is horrible to read your storry and some of the comments posted here. There is no excuse for being drunk. As i grow up with a father who was often drunk, i can understand your situation. If he does not want to stop, just quit the realtionship, that is the only advice i can give you, it will not become better after years, on the contrary....<br />
I understand you want to keep the house and the children with you. I do not know how it works overthere (as i am from europe), but here you can ask to divorce and when you have the papers the partner has to leave if you can prove the house is from you and certainly if the kids will stay with you...<br />
I really hoop that you will have soon a solution and things work out favorably for you...<br />
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You got my support<br />
CoolCat

Dear summers, it is horrible to read your storry and some of the comments posted here. There is no excuse for being drunk. As i grow up with a father who was often drunk, i can understand your situation. If he does not want to stop, just quit the realtionship, that is the only advice i can give you, it will not become better after years, on the contrary....<br />
I understand you want to keep the house and the children with you. I do not know how it works overthere (as i am from europe), but here you can ask to divorce and when you have the papers the partner has to leave if you can prove the house is from you and certainly if the kids will stay with you...<br />
I really hoop that you will have soon a solution and things work out favorably for you...<br />
<br />
You got my support<br />
CoolCat

Women don't want equality and fairness, they want payback and to see us serve them like queens in royalty but with no king in sight. Take a step back and look fellas, the tables are turning in favor of the woman. They will rule the earth one day and we (men) will be disenfranchised (more severly) as they are and were in the past but they won't show us any mercy because a womans wrath is void of such a thing. But God will not be pleased with such hatred and well....by by earth as we know it...the end

u know what I did not mean to disrespect u in anyway I just wanted to put my advice in there since I have put that post my life has got better we are working more and more to become closer i like reading ur post too it feels good to talk to a smart person for once. lol but like I said try the bible just keep an open mind if u think he is worth it if not hey become the greatest mom for ur kids because they are the most important.

alcoholism is a horrible thing to happen to a family...<br />
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you need support..and so does he..<br />
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flower hopes love will prevail

He's my problem. I get rid of him and I'll be happier and feel more alive. <br />
Now that's empowerment for you. <br />
If I gave you advice it's because I'm come from being a door mat to a self respecting person. Someone who is not afraid to speak up and be assertive, and not take being mentally abused. It's helpful to know that marriage is a two way street and sometimes all the wife's want is some consideration and a show of gratitude. If your interested in seeing my other post. Search I hate my husband. And look for summers5. NO RESPECT FOR THE EMPOWERED WIFE I SEE. That's fine I like reading your posts anyway..

so u try to tell me what to do when it is u who has the problem also look u trying to change him will not work that is where women go wrong they think they can change men to what they what them to be or they tell them something so stupid as to read a book on marriage reading a book on marriage is the same as being on diet it is only some ideas that can help u lose weight look how much a day does he drink is it really that much and if it is and u have really sat down and talked to him then try the bible people forget about that i did that is one of the oldest books that still works today God is almighty I know he can work it out i know it is for me things are getting better and growing more and more marriage is a job one that is alot harder then u think it is not something u just fall into work at it both of u sometime the women may have to lead don't always wait on a man ur powerful influence too.

It took me tell 30 to mature, and he hasn't cared how far apart we grow. I'd like him to do a lot of things to make our family life better. It just seems like if he cared he would. I told him if he drinks again, just one time I'd get divorce papers filed and served to him. He'd then have no ride to work, no car, and would loose his job. I told him this morning that he'd have to move to Vancouver Washington were his higher paying job was if he lost this one due to him drinking and me filing for divorce to get him away. I have grown up and matured and he's been nothing but be a drunk. How the hell am I supposed to stay with someone that makes me sick with disrespect? He's got not GED, no license, nothing to his name, but me and his girls. So I guess we'll see if he can shape up. It's do or die, I tell him...If not I'm getting papers so I can be away from the lowlife drunk. This way I can focus on myself and my girls and not be preoccupied with him....doing this for him and that for him ...I hate it...

This is my home, it's in my dad's name. I'd be a fool to move and let him live here. I'd have to get the kids into another school and live with my mom and step father, and my step dad is a drunk. It's only costing me 750 a month to live here, all bills included. I've called the cops and asked them what I can do and they have told me I have to go through divorce proceedings. I want him out, they asked me if he's been abusive within the last 30 days, and he hasn't so they can't do anything. I think I'll call again and ask another person there at the station and see what I need to do.

I don't mean to sound jaded but get out now!!! If he doesn't see his problem he will get worse. No doubt about it. He is very sick and drinking is the most important thing in his life right now. Go on with your life<br />
please don't let him drag you down with him. I have been there. Good Luck