Stealing Other People's Lines

I am .... oh so many things. Or not. Thinking about who I am reminds me of a new experience lately where I was at a meeting. Everyone said they were sex and love addicts. I don't know if I can say that. Then again, I don't know if I can't say that.

I could say that I'm bipolar, but so many  people have railed at me for saying. I feel like I shouldn't say that, even if it is true. I'm supposedly not my condition. I should identify with it. I'm a person who has bipolar disorder.  

I can only hope that the same logic would apply to this statement: I am a philanderer. The common name is "cheater." I spend a lot of time thinking about it. So maybe that's who I am? I'd like to think I'm more  than that, but I'm sure that statement will stop any number of people from reading any more. Maybe I should just say I'm morally destitute and leave it at that.

I do have children. Wonderful, wonderful children. But then, doesn't everyone say that about their kids? I could brag on them -- how my daughter's teacher dismisses us from our meeting, saying, "there's nothing to say. She does everything perfectly." Huh? Can't you at least tell us something about her?" I could also brag about how my son, age 10, has been teaching himself to draw. He practices for hours each day. He makes studies of various body parts like eyes and noses so he can learn to do them better. But I don't think it's seemly to brag, so I won't do that.

I'm a husband, but that generally goes along with being a cheater. I'd like to be a writer, but I'm too lazy. Besides which, I don't have anything to say. Well, I do enjoy writing erotica -- but that's also related to the cheating, so it probably isn't putting my best foot forward. I am proud of it. I can write a story that will make a woman forget where she is, and enter my fantasy completely. But that really wouldn't be appropriate. 

I could talk about making music -- improvisational music "in the jazz idiom" as my band leader used to say before he passed away. I play a number of instruments, including vocals (not singing, just vocals), but I'm not in a band any more, and the playing I do is nothing anyone would have heard of.

I'd talk about my work, but I really hate being identified by my work. I consult with faculty and graduate students about research methods. Both quant and qual. I'm a methods geek. But really, I hardly do any of that any more, since I have two grad students who do it for me.

I could tell stories about how I grew up, or who my friends are, or where I went to school, or what kind of car I drive (Highlander Hybrid). I could talk about the political work I've done, or my grand theory of human psychology, sociology and behavior. I could lay out my answers to the major philosophical and religious issues.  

I could do any of these things. But I won't (even though I sort of have).

So, here's the point where I should wrap everything up with some kind of pithy yet deeply meaningful bon mot. Unfortunately for me, I don't have one. Or even a dozen. No, that was stupid.  It didn't even make sense. It was supposed to be a joke. You can see that I'm not much good as a humorist, either.

I'm afraid it's pretty easy for you to see that I'll never amount to much. I've not got any socially redeeming attributes. There's no particular reason why anything I say should be of interest to anyone. It only goes downhill from here. And of course, as the great line that Woody Allen, and before that Groucho Marx, and on and on through funny man after funny man said, "I'd never join a club that would have me as a member."

Does that make me a plagiarizer, too?

wundayatta wundayatta
56-60, M
1 Response Mar 14, 2010

They say that imitation is the best flattery that you could give.