Just A Bit Of History

I've always been different from my peers, I never had the conventional life, starting with not graduating with my highschool class (had to go to summer school,) to never getting married and having children. As I look back on my life I beleive that I have always know deep down inside me that I wouldn't have the same life as most. I don't know if I'm just too immature or selfish or I was just wired a bit differently.

 

I was a heavy partier when I was young, from drinking to cocaine. Everynight was a party and that definitely affected where I am now. I didn't have any life goals and never planned for the future. I guess I just lived for that present day, never thinking of preparing myself for a successful career. That is my biggest regret, not planning a career and not getting the proper schooling to insure financial success.

 

 

Flash forward and today I live in a small but nice apartment with my dog Leonard. Been dating my boss on and off for the last 4 years and living from pay check to paycheck. I just turned 41 and the other night I was lying in bed, alone, and realized that I don't want to have a romantic relationship. I don't want to date, I don't even want to have sex, and I definitely don't want to get married. I want to live my life alone. Not a recluse, I still have friends, and I still like to go out weekly to socialize, but I just don't want a domestic relationship anymore. That may change, but I believe after doing my own thing for so long I doubt it.  This may sound bad, but I think if I had to, I would get into a relationship for financial security. My biggest fear is not being able to pay my bills and becoming homeless.

 

So that is why I'm here. Starting doing searches for people who like being alone and found this site. I look forward to reading everyones experiences.

ScoutNY ScoutNY
41-45, F
Mar 14, 2010