I Miss My Mom

Both of my parents died.  I did not have a relationship with my father.  He was an alcoholic and abandoned our family after my parents divorced.  They divorced because he was abusive to my Mom when he got drunk.  She finally had enough after 12 years of beatings.  He was a taxi driver when he died and he was found in his taxi, it is believed he died of congested heart failure.  Probably he did but the 40+ years of hard drinking had a little to do with it.  I had not seen him in about 5 years, I had contacted him the last time to tell him I had forgave him for all the past hurts.  I still have questions that he will never answer.

I knew my Dad loved my Mom but his drinking was too much and sometimes love is not enough.  I thought my Mom had gotten over loving my Dad until I saw her at his funeral.  She still truly loved him after all these years.

My Mom had lung cancer and died within 6 months of her diagnosis.  She did all the treatments that were recommended but the first part of June a doctor she had never even seen called her because he had been asked to review her charts, he told her she only had a few months to live and that time limit started in February, well she was gone in less than three weeks.  She was 56 years old.  It has been almost 2 years and I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that she is gone.

There are things happening in my life that I am suppose to share with her.  She is suppose to guide me in these new roles I am going through.  I feel so lost.

idontevenknow idontevenknow
36-40, F
2 Responses Mar 13, 2009

You are not alone. There are many of us with similar experiences who would gladly provide a shoulder for you to lean on. <br />
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My mother has been gone nearly 12 years now and I still miss her every day. No one can replace your mother. Losing your mother is like having a wound that never quite heals. It's better some days than other days but the wound will always be there. <br />
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I'm so sorry that you have had to experience this. I have done several things which have helped me through the tough times:<br />
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1) I have a nice box where I keep things to remind me of my mother, ie: her hairbrush with some of her silver hairs still in it, a bottle of her perfume, her lipstick, etc. <br />
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2) At night sometimes when I'm laying in bed, I picture my mother sitting at her kitchen table and I visualize myself coming in and sitting with her, telling her about whatever is on my mind.<br />
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3) I hang on to the knowledge that I will see her again someday. I believe this with all my heart. I know she would want me to be happy and live my life to the fullest, so that's what I try to do. <br />
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I hope this helps you.

I am sorry to read about your sadness and loss especially under such circumstances. Do you have other family to share your grief?<BR><BR>I am a lot older than you. My Mum died aged 96, 2 years ago and I still think "I must tell Mum about that". 2 years is not long.<br />
I send my best wishes