Unhappy Newly Weds

I was in a 3 year relationship with a man whom I love and vice versa. We shared, we cried and we stood by each other through good and bad times. We discovered almost every strength, weakness and even flaws but that didnt take affect the love we had for one another. Then we finally tied the knot. Looking back at what we went through, you'd think that we could overcome almost anything but unfortunately not.

We've been married for only 3 months now and we are unhappy most of the time. I am the one to blame as I am going through a phase that is very new to me. Firstly, I am a recovering addict but my bigger issue is my career. The one thing that has been the most fulfiling and always in my top priority has suddenly changed to something I cant be bother with or even have a clue where I plan to head next. So, I went into a minor depression and there are some days when I just ignore everything and sleep all day long.

I know it isnt fair and very unresponsible of me to do so but there were times I did take things into consideration and try my level best to be a better person. Mostly, a better wife. I am very much overwhelmed by the expectations and struggling to find the right balance. My husband loves going out when I am more domesticated. I enjoy my time alone and I am not embarassed to admit that I am a loner.

All fingers are pointed at me, ok I admit that I didnt resolve my issues soon enough. I feel that it is also isnt fair when he himself has issues too. He's in serious debt with a few credits card companies (altho he has never asked money from me), he is messy and I've told him a million times but he never take me seriously. I sometime feel that I'm treated like a maid and he's the master that i have to serve. I'm crushed inside and he says that I am killing him sofly by waking up late everyday and not living a normal life like everyone else.

I'm sad just thinking that we were happier being in a relationship than in a marriage. Is there anyone couples out there going through the same? Please help me someone?

LadyComplex LadyComplex
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 21, 2010

I don't imagine that either of you have changed all that much in just a few months.<br />
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I wonder, have you ever sat down and discussed what it means to each of you what being married really means ?<br />
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What does it mean to you ?<br />
Is it the same as what it means to him ?<br />
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To me, I accept I may not be normal, getting married changed nothing at all. That's not to say it is not important to me. Getting married is just a public statement of how I feel and a record of the commitment I had already made.<br />
It means other things to other people. Maybe you should determine if this is a slight difference in perception.

if one man love you,he love you hair,your eye,your mouth,your breast,your waist,your leg,and love making love with you.but after several years,he know well all of you,and will feel tired with you.So man will out of home most time,even back home less and less,now you need to pay attention that man had another or more other woman.how do you do now ? Divorce ? find man-lover ? keeping your marriage ?

Marriage is hard - and you're at the very beginning and still adjusting. Cut each other some slack. If he's messy now he was probably messy 4 months ago when you still weren't married, so it's really not fair to focus on that. Same with the being in debt. <br />
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It sounds like you are struggling. I don't know how long you've been in recovery - but sometimes in recovery there is depression and a feeling of being lost because you don't know what to do in replace of what you were addicted to. It sounds like you need some help with your depression and with your marriage.<br />
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Can you and your husband see a counselor? It might help you to resolve some of these issues and work through your problems. I would also consider a visit to your doctor to discuss the depression as well.<br />
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Good luck to you both. <br />
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