What They Think A Nice Guy Is And What We Should Be.

I've been asked why I reject the term "Nice Guy." It's simple really: it's not a compliment. It's not something to aspire too. On the surface it sounds alright. Being the definition of nice is "pleasing," "agreeable," or even "well done." There is a connotation to the phrase that I think really bogs us down.

A lady friend of mine said being "a nice guy" also meant being a romantic pushover. We all want to be the knight in shining armor, but ironically, it backfires on us and we fall into the pit. It's dark. It's shameful.

And here's the horrible secret: women don't like pushovers. There's a lack of respect, maybe even a little contempt. That's why I reject the term. That's why we should all reject the term. I think it's holding us back from what we really want and can accomplish.

We need to move from being "dependable" or "helpful" to the role of being "The Expert." Think of yourself as the one who gets things done, rather than being the guy she can always count on. Part of your job as the "The Expert" is understanding the situation, providing answers, especially when that answer is "fix it your own self" or simply saying "no." Some women will call on your help just because they know they can. You might want to help just because you care. That's great. However, you know that at some point, you must say no, if only to show that you are not there to be taken advantage of.

Become "The Expert" or "The Consultant" and only be there to provide an answer or a solution, if you think she truly cannot handle the situation or needs actual advice. Calmly say "I think you can handle this on your own." Let others listen to her vent. If she actually needs advice, give it in a concise, logical manner and be very calm. She will mirror that or get frustrated and find another enabler. Either way it changes the situation.
yetti1973 yetti1973
41-45, M
Jun 5, 2013