all of my life i have always done what i can for others from waiting to shower in the morning when living at home with my parents so not to wake them or my sistor at night, to doing all i can to help friends in any way at any time. i have been taken advantage of and manipulated and abused if you want to look at it that way not to mention ripped off by ppl over the years. yes i was week and just let it go. I run a landscaping business which at one time was 140 client base strong 6-8 staff strong. life crashed in on me after my dad wen to jail for accessing and possessing child p o r n. he had been looking after all my book keeping and now it was all in my hands. i am not a paperwork person. incan make a invoice and a estamate as for the rest i dont know nor care. however i knew i should. its not so much that i didn't care as just didn't know but against my judgement again was weak and listening to my wife in her non business mind that a book keeper was to expansive. in fact that was just the opposite. now ten years later i am now paying probably many hundreds of times more thennitbwould have cost for a book keeper in back taxes along with interest and penalties in my business as well as the same for my personal taxes. and now at the end of the day they have frozen my business account. we are on the hook for a decent amount that i just dont have. at the end of the day its my own fault and i accept that. the flip side is that over the last 10 years we have gone through so much as a family. between the crap with my dad my wife's brother dyeing in Thailand before we got married, a few years later my wife's dad dies from cancer along all thst journey we have three amazing kids. life was so full fo stress. running a business wearing all the hats being a dad and a husband. emotional support for my wife all the post pardem depression grief from the deaths she expearenced things between her and i not going to well. by 08 09 i chopped the clientele in half and didnt higher staff back the following year. now on my own to deal with it all re build my family and piece together my business things just sucked. prior to all that we had cleared out most of the credit card debt using our home equity and that was great. then hit a point where was when i knew i had to make a change as i had no money left. lots outstanding but non in my hand. i wrote one of those dreadful credit card cheques to my self for 10 000 to pay the staff as well as my self. i had a customer who owed me 10 grand so i felt comfortable writing it as it was supposed to be temporary. the customer declared bankruptcy. it all crashed around after that. scrambling to get my money in even using a collection agency to fight with stobern customers i ended up coming out behind as a result of a mistake in paperwork i had sent them. through the depression times my wife had she ended up spending money on credit cards. it was a a mess. money was going out faster then it was coming in and nothing was being saved for taxes or payroll deductions. so now 7 years later of not having a back bone over whalmed no parental support as we cut my parents out of our life as my mother supported him my sister is an other conversation, i am sitting here looking at this all and now again for the 3rd time of having our business account frozen they will come after us personally this time if we dont pay. at this point my wife doesn't know. i am trying to find a solution before i mention it. now back in August i find out my dad died in July. i end up bumping into my mom behind her house as i have some customers around the corner from her. she is over joyed to see me. all is well. now 4 months later hear i am 3 kids 2 dogs 2 cats and my wife and i and i am stuck with the situation i alowed to occurre all by being a nice guy. i started this landscaping business at 10 years old banging on doors down my street for 5 bucks a house. it grew my word of mouth. as it did i raised my fees. and by my 20s i had atleast fifty regular customers. my parents and friends were helping me. ad it grew more and more i began doing designs construction work as well. in high school my dad lost his job with gulf oil. it was all an interesting time after that. my point with all of this is now after all this time of being a nice guy i am stuck. i ended up asking my mom fkr financial help and dispite her situation being much better then mine considering before my dad died the were supposed to have gone for a big trip. but that was changed so she still had the money. and now that amount would look after my issue and i would pay her back she said her financial guy said she couldn't and that she is not a rich woman. she has know idea about any of it as my dad had it all set up with this guy. after loosing his job my dad got work with a home builder. they grew to be good friends. my dad managed to make him a good bit of money over the years by doing book keeping and being a advisor. given my mom said she couldn't help me she suggested i talk with him. so talked with him and explained everything saying to leave it with him and he would call me back that afternoon its now 3 days later and haven't heard a thing. i have left out other details in efforts to shorten this long bit but i am feeling so sad scared and uncertain as to what will all happen. i again may have to swallow my pride and ask some customers who have some dollars to help me out in order to be able to keep moving. i just dont know what else to do. hoping it all works out some where some how. its bad enough having to ask my mother after not talking for ten years to borrow money to not having a clue what to do no. i am just done. i am just drained. all i do is work hard fixing my own truck my own epqument and so on. now getting ready for a snow plowing winter. i cant run and hide i cant drive off a cliff i just got to find something inside me to get me to fight. i try to give up but something won't let me something says keep your head up. just keep going. i dont know what it all is but something inside me won't let me die. perhaps all the good books inhave read all the motivational speeches i have heard some which i have given my self. perhaps my family my kids my wife and now my mom is all in the mix. sitting in the stands watching me in this game called life. its as though i am in the last few seconds of the game and down by a few points and must score a touchdown to win. its cold and snowing all the odds against me in the worst conditions by all odds i should lose the game but now i got the ball. one chance to score those points to win. looking up into the stands i see my family cheering me on. ( as they often do from the window in the living room as i work on my truck ) the thankyou 's for working so hard the hugs as i walk through the door dirty and sweaty after slugging it out all day on my own in the heat cutting grass or building someone's dream yard. and now i Must call the play and win. i think back to the days leaving the house with 100 bucks to my name not knowing how i was going to make it through the next few days of plowing snow. with only faith my side i trudge through luckily the next morning a customer pays and all is well. it is this which drives me forward its third blind faith which i Must have now more then ever to get through this. i must just believe. i Must see the victory before i call the last play. i must win. i will win. i have never failed at anything in my life i have only had many lurning expearences. dispite the hurdels i am working to jump now and the possibilities of more in the future i must face them head on and eyes wide open.. yet inside i want to run and hide its my Time to shine. its time to play ball and win the game of life.
bob926543 bob926543
36-40, M
Nov 7, 2015