How I Became A Noncustodial Mom

my exhusband and i split up. he moved in with his mother in his hometown and i got an apartment for myself and our 3 kids in the town we lived in at the mother had just passed away from cancer and i had guardianship of my 2 younger brothers. the apartment i had was large enough to accomodate us all. anyway. .y ex and i talked and agreed to share the cost and file for dissolution instead of divorce because neither of us had the money to hire lawyers and file for divorce. or so i thought. my ex called one day and asked if he could get the kids for a visit. we had no visitation schedule at this time and hadnt even filed dissolution papers yet. so it was just a he called and if i didnt have anything important planned with the kids then he could take them for a visit. his mother came to pick them up because he had no license do to driking and driving. he and i had already agreed to a specific day that i would pick my kids up and i called the day before that day to make sure my kids would be ready. everything was fine. the day i went to pick my kids up nobody was home. i assumed he and his mother were just runnimg late so id just sit and wait because they were bound to come home soon. i waited and waited and waited...... for 12 hours. i then went home and continuousely called my exs cell, his mothers cell, their home phone and the numbers to anybody i thought might know where they were. no answer and noone knew where they were nor had talked to them recently. i went ballistic. i called the police., they couldnt do anything. they told me to just keep calling my ex and his mom. so i did. i took a cell phone with me and i sat infront of their house and drove around their small town stopping at everyones house i knew that were family friends. i did this everyday from sun up to the middle of the night when i became to tired to drive for 2 weeks. i didnt go to work i didnt do anything but search for my kids for 2 weeks. finally one morning when i had just woke up there was a knock on t door. i answered and was served with divorce papers with a paper included granting my ex temporary custody. i had lost my job and blowing threw my savings very quickly trying to keep my apartment but ended up losing that to and having to move in with friends. that was my situation on the final court date for our divorce and custody dicision. my ex had failed a court ordered psych eval and i had no home and no job. so the judge awarded custody to my exs mother because she had enrolled my kids in kindergarten and preschool so they were already established in that town and that school. i am now suppose to have my kids in my home every other weekend and every wednesday. my exs mother is a control freak to the 10th degree and after awhile started telling me the kids were sick so they couldnt come for my visitation or they had too much homework or some other cockamamie excuse. all with the backing of our guardian ad litem who is a family friend of my exs mother though they denied it in court. i am now forced to stay at my exs mothers house with him and his mother just so that i can se my kids. and i have to be very careful what i do and say because if i make my exs mother angry she will not let me see my kids for months. she has done this many times in the past. i miss my kids so much. i miss all the little things especially that you dont really think about until they arent there anymore. i am now with a wonderful man and we had a baby boy one year ago. i have to take the baby with me when i go to stay at my exs mothers house. that is the only way my baby would be able to spend time with his brothers and sister. i am just trying to bide my time until i can educate myself and save the money for another lawyer and go back to court to fight for my kids again. i will fight for them with every breath i have until i get them back. my exs mother is friends with the chief of police in the county where our court hearings were and friends with judges and ofcourse the guardian ad litem. but i will get my kids back. and until then i just have to be the best mother i can be and make sure every second that i get to have with my oldest 3 kids that they know how much i love them . well thats my story. im so glad i found this site. i could eally use the support of people that understand what im going through. my friends are great but dont really understand because theyve never been through it. thanks for listening.
j050103 j050103
May 16, 2012