And My Work Is Cut Out For Me!!!!

I see now that being a nonconformist in a world where nonconformity is the new conformity, changes my purpose a bit. My new fate is that not only am I here to overturn the irrelevant and to create new ways, I am here to show people the things that are not even conformable in the first place! Life never ceases to amaze me. Every time I think I've got it down and I understand, I'm thrown a curveball. I have in actuality somewhat of a dual purpose. I am in a place where I have to define things by example. Knowing that it is not just what comes naturally but that it is actually a job I was meant to do, this "job" is being defined to me bit by bit and I am being given a description. I asked for my life purpose to the higher power, to those who may not understand it. The answer was 2 parted, art and rebellion. Which I thought was simple, and I thought I had understood. This is so much more complex than I ever thought it was! I am no stranger to being unpopular and not being acceptable and being the person who just doesn't fit in, but now I see that the things I do not change are as big a change as the things I do change. It seems that rebellion and revolution is not in what I overturn and create in place, or even in what I create without overturning--but by the thing I choose NOT to create, the thing I choose NOT to overturn, things that are timeless as eternity. 

It's so hard!! I thought that by being in a world where everyone else decided to be unconformist would make it so easy for me and I could finally have the fitting in and feeling normal that I secretly want. Just when I thought I could never have it I saw myself as fitting in overnight. Now I see that I was wrong and  I STILL don't, by merit of creations that I choose to create on top of rather than removing or changing them or destroying them. I see a value in things which are old and ancient and the way that evolution must begin with a single component, the way that thought cannot exist without the brain, the way that a leaf cannot exist without there being first a tree. Everything has a starting point. Everything has a foundation.

In any case I just realized that I will be fighting against the current the rest of my entire life. Just when the current turns in my favor, I will suddenly realize that I was inaccurate in perceiving that it's in my favor. My mission is definition. Through example. I have to face a sad reality, which is that no matter how minority the majority claim to be, it's easy to see that they are not actually in the minority. Why was I meant to be in the minority? I will never know. But there I am. The reality of the situation is that being a nonconformist means conforming to something the majority of people do not conform to, and it is painfully easy to see when I'm in the minority. I'm glad I'm a nonconformist, it just complicates things when everyone else says they are also a nonconformist but yet that is the majority of people. So now I have never been more confused. I accepted that I was not meant to fit in and was abnormal and weird and got comfortable in my own skin,  and I had assumed that maybe other people had started doing the same thing!! I was so excited that that could happen. Until I saw that they are all the same kind of nonconformist. Which is not a nonconformist at all.

Do you ever feel like life is just kicking you in the *** constantly continually changing what way is up and what way is down, just to make it a harder puzzle to solve? "oh, you solved this one, " it says, "now let's see you solve THIS!!!!" mwahaha.

I am not trying to be ungrateful, it's just that I think it should be easier.

SummerWind18 SummerWind18
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 4, 2010

You don't need to "fight" anything.Most of this bullshit show and the people within it playing their part are already up **** creek without a paddle and either don't really notice or don't really care.All we need do as (i'll not use the term "non-conformist", it's getting overplayed) non-performers (in this piece of **** opera within a dying society), is to simply enjoy the view from here, as we sit on a grassy hill on a blue sky, white cloud, picture perfect day, enjoying a glass of iced tea and watching the miles and miles of idiots trapped (and dying) in their cars on their way to empty jobs, endless careers, with their meaningless smiles, dusty hearts and cardboard cutout friends. Sorry, i just have alot to say and not alot of opportunity to say it as this is all just happening so fast. (Thank all that is holy.)