Happily Married??!??!..........

I am a young lady by all means only 27 married to an awesome guy at 47. I love him to death but, he has a case of ED which causes huge problems between us. I want it and crave it so bad I could climb the wall searching for it. He can't give it to me as much as I want it and as long as I want it. I have turned to toys and my hand to try to help ease the pain of not having it but it only seems to get harder as I get older. I find myself wanting to seek an affair just for strickly sex. I love the fact that I want to enjoy as much sex as possible but i don't want to hurt my husband. We have talked of an open relationship which would work wonders. But I feel that that would only hurt him. Do I want to have a normal sex drive? No not really. I just want us both to be happy and he's happy not giving it but I can't be happy not getting it. When I don't have it i'm moody, depressed, and up his butt 24/7.  I've tried to get him while he is sleeping that was a no go. Toys are getting old my hands are starting to swell. And all I can say is why me?
brandyboe brandyboe
5 Responses Aug 2, 2010

He may be turned on to the idea and he may not, but one thibg for sure, your sex drives are way out of balance and that just doesn't make for a good relationship.

We are lifedancer: a male and female partner in a loving relationship.<br />
He wishes to comment:<br />
I am a 57 yr old male with ED. She is a 50 yr old female with a strong libido. I can get her off orally, manually, and also by stimulating her breasts both orally/manually, but I cannot maintain erection for intercourse and cannot ********* with her. After prolonged ************ to ****, I can get the satisfaction I wish I could get with her. I think she is very attractive and desireable, and turns me on in every way. I'm ready to commit suicide and she's ready to help. (Just kidding, but the problem is serious.)<br />
She wishes to comment:<br />
ED is a very challenging, stressful, frustrating and painful problem for any person or couple to experience. I knew this before my relationship with him, but now I have experienced it firsthand and am amazed, often dumbfounded at the effects mentally, emotionally and physically that it has had on me, not to mention him/us as partners together. It has also taught me so very much about myself, my strengths/weaknesses, particularly my capacity for deep feelings of a positive/negative nature. And how I sometimes don't want to feel either type because of how it can/may/has hurt me and/or him profoundly. I also feel as if I have grown tremendously in ways I could not have without going through this experience with him just as it has been. And I know that so much of life is like that. I would not have wished for this situation, yet I feel as if I am a better person for having gone through it and continue to try to meet the challenge of becoming moreso. Even though things are not completely resolved, there has been much progress for us both in a variety of ways. As stressed and hurt and frustrated as one/both of us is/are at times, I think our connection is deeper, closer, stronger in ways than it might have been if we just had the typical sex life with a honeymoon phase, etc. Boy do/did I miss that honeymoon phase! I feel/felt so deprived, yet at times I don't --- I just feel as though I got a different kind of honeymoon phase that I'd never experienced before because I got the pleasure/release and amazing breast stim and ******* of various kinds...ummm....I still haven't figured those out.....lol...but they're wonderful. Yet I miss ******* ---HELLO!! But that is normal for me to feel that way and really not the end of the world.....well......it just SEEMS that way at times. He is actually getting closer to climax with me through oral sex and well.......there is just so much to this.......we try to communicate about all this and understand each other and be supportive. And it seems we can never achieve that perfectly..........we fight and have misunderstandings, hurts and insecurities and real and perceived injuries to heart and ego and all kinds of crazy stuff.....and then somehow we are back to the caring and closeness......probably even closer than before. It just seems so precarious at times............like a tenuous thread between us that is so golden and strong and yet so fragile and threatening to snap any moment from the worry/anxiety/pressures/hurts/the everything of it all. I have also realized that many of our problems with/surrounding ED and how we handle it have to do with us as unique individuals and as unique partners together, as well as our own issues that we had long before we got together. Then again I think I am so intelligent and so does he, I think, and yet that doesn't prevent us from having your run-of-the-mill feelings and challenges from all this that so many couples have/had in the same situation --- we've read about it together and separately online. We have done/are doing many things in so many areas to try to help deal with this ----he goes to counseling now and discusses it there, we both read up on it medically, emotionally and otherwise online/usually together, we share our feelings (not always nicely!), we try to work on our health, our spirituality, all kinds of things, other sharing together and what we enjoy about each other. I don't think either of us has given up hope altogether that this may one day, soon even, be resolved or there will be a breakthrough. There is so much more going on with him than I can go into here......and me in some ways as well. I have learned a lot about my sexual needs and feelings, including particular to him/our connection, about what is really important in life besides and along with sex with someone you love and sexual release. I always say that "love" to me is not just a feeling or romance......it's an action verb that requires commitment and often working at being loving towards another/your partner when you least feel like it and/or he seems the least loveable. So now I am being challenged to learn and do more about that philosophy of mine. And it's very difficult sometimes....sometimes I feel as if the best I am striving for is "first do no harm". I fail at times, but I do better at others.....and I like that......I like who I am better for facing this challenge and discovering that sex is still very important to me but that who I am and how I handle being responsible for what I feel, what I want and how I communicate with and treat a man I love is infinitely more important, even though often that's a truth and responsibility I don't want to face and have to deal with. Because it's really hard and scary at times.....but I'm worth it and so is he.<br />
I wish the best to anyone/everyone dealing with the challenge of ED and just in being and loving in relationships in general. Love is a risk, relationships are challenging and life holds no guarantees; it is full of change...........relationships are the healing journey for us all and not without pain. Will we become bitter or more open, compassionate and aware from life's betrayals and the human ways those we love so inevitably let us down? I want to learn and grow and embrace life to the best of my ability and be as alive and loving and spiritual as possible in every way. And I realize it's not a goal that I'll ever perfectly achieve; it's a journey and a process I'll be forever experiencing and sometimes enjoying, sometimes struggling with. I have been more than blessed so far -- I just need to keep remembering that!

Having a sexual appetite is healthy. What is not healthy is putting yourselves through this pain. If you love each other then help each other. Don't ignore the problem at hand , you will both grow from this experience. The trick is to remember what you mean to each other, good luck ..

Are you I'm the uk? I'm in a similar position with my wife: love her to bits, but little sex

from the sounds of it you need a lot of ****. probably best to find a guy or two in the side.<br />
if you're husband seems ok with an open relationship then why not?<br />
<br />
you'll enjoy getting properly ****** by other men