Lovening a Paraplegic

Hi, I'm new around here... Just want to share my experience involving in paraplegic world.... I'm a young physiotherapy lecturer teaching somewhere in Malaysia... i got to know a paraplegic guy during my internship in final year of my study.

when i first got to know him, it was just a therapist-patient relationship. but somehow, we got friendly and mutually attracted to each other.... the attraction was quite strong even from the start, i was amazed that someone who had a disability so suddenly (he was 26 when an accident left him paralyzed at the level of L2) and just barely 2 years he is able to resume his work (he is a welder), drives his own car and do regular social activities - movies, nights out etc...

though he does have bouts of depression and anguish because of his disability, he is a very independent person, and motivated to do the best he can just because his belief that GOD gave him a second chance to live. his courage and strong will makes me respect him more and more everyday.

he did confides to me that the first year and a half post accident was very tough as he had to learn to adjusts himself and come to term with his condition. to me, he was really lucky to have very a supportive mother, good siblings, nice friends and all around, good and firm network and help...

initially he did not give a thought of getting involve with anybody as immediately after the accident, his fiance left him. and i for certain did not even considering to fall in love with a paraplegic!

we did have our awkward moments together, especially when going out to movies or just having a lunch together as people would stare at us and pointing at us. but as I'm confident in myself and believe that he is a great guy, i manage to coax him not to think about what other people think or do or gossip about us.

since we just know each other for 10months, we are still in the stage of knowing each other and try to adjust to each other moves... i learned that to be with a paraplegic and also be emotionally involve is not much different from involving with a normal person... however, the partner of a paraplegic should consider whether he/she can live with bouts of depression, be a motivator and coach, and all the necessary routine  of lifting wheelchair and such everyday...

since we both are Muslims, we did not get at the s.e.x. stage yet. but as we are planning to get married soon, it have been in my mind for a few days now.. however, i dont get worried over it much as my principle is to go with the flow and communication is important to overcome any problems.. therefore, no problems for me to be with him....

for paraplegics out there, belief in yourself, do whatever it takes to make yourself special so a special person will appreciate you back. and also, belief in your GOD, whatever your religion as it will give you strength and calmness.. you should just go and seize the day, do anything you like and make friends and not moping alone... only then the world will open to you again with new possibilities and hope...

hope is only for the strong people like you guys...




sayangayang sayangayang
2 Responses Sep 28, 2009

I also fell in love with a paraplegic.. He is my life and I am his. It took time to figure each other out. My husband was injuryed on December 23 1999. He was in an ATV accident and has a starbust fracture at L-3. When I meet him I was dating his best friend and was planning to get married to him.. We all hung out together alote. We lost his best friend in 2002 to a druck driver, I went to a deep depression. I was a sr in high school and I just lost the love of my life. The lost pushed me and my husband now closer together. but because of us being young and just going through the lost I could not handle being around all my friends so i ran away and tried to move on in a different town and different friends. Well it only took 4 years later and I could not get him off my mind(my now husband).. I ended up moving back to town and looked him up, We started hanging out and with in a year I moved in with him. I tell everyone that if i would not of lived with him before we got married we would not be together now.. I know it comes with the territory about the depreesion the anger. the self pitty, But we have figured out what to do when that happens..My husband is very self suffcient. he lived on his own untill I moved in. I had to learn I his wife not his caregiver, and he had to learn not to treat me like his nurse.. We have the best relationship in the world.. We joke about everything.. we have figured out life is to short to fight and argue. The hardest thing i had to learn was the sex subject. I was kind promiscuos. and it was hard at first but we have learned differnet thing. we have went to a sex therapist. We relie on God to keep us together. I dont beieve in having an affair, But you have to weigh all them options before you let your self fall in love with any one disable or not, I have people ask me all the time what if he gets feeling back and learns to walk again. I joke and says Well I hope i can fall in love with him cus i wouldnt know who he was.. We have had our hard times and i know one day God will make it easy for us. We live in a small town and he cant work because peopel see him as completly use full. so we are surviving off my salary. and its not much.. I would not change my life in any way. Well yes I would I wish i would of never ran for him.. we could of got together sooner.. <br />
Thats my story. Thanks for listing.. Oh yeah we will be been married 4 years December 23<br />
love never fails.

Thank you for your story... I have fallin in Love with a gentleman in my class, yes he is paraplegic, however that is not what I see... Into the second week of class, I sent him an email, stating my position & asked him if he had anyone special, his verbal communication is not too clear, so we do not chat too often, so it is diffucult to get to know him in class. Well, with my letter of interest to get to know him better, he stated that he did not have anyone & basically that with losing all of his savings & everything else, he did not want to bring anyone into his life at this point until he could take care of himself, And that he had not thought about being serious with anyone for a very long time now... I can take that two ways,... He is not interested in me, although his body language at times is clear, or he is so insecure about his own self & ablilities. I do understand, and I am only following my heart.... He is totally aware of my likeing him, but today he was distant & did not sit as close to me as ususal... Im personally deeply disappointed, that he pulls away... However, I do believe that he is interested but he is not sure how to progress or what to say... We all protect ourselves from the world & from Love one way or the other, especially in a situation where we feel insecure or unable to percipiate... I do not know why I feel for him, I have worked in the medical field for years, and I have always looked at people as people, not what thier disability are... That is not who they are... Im not so sure if I should proceed, or just take a back seat & wait, for him... Which could be forever... I was a bit distant when leaving school today, & Im sure he felt it as did I, and for me it hurt... Class again tomorrow & then the weekend... was hoping to ask if wanted to get together this weekend, but Im just not sure... Wait & see how the next two days goes & give him a chance to be in his own head & go from there on Friday... And then maybe I will ask... Anyways, My point is I understand where he is emotionally with all that he has been through & has lost especially in the past 5 years... And friends have also tried to stir me in the other direction, saying you want to take care of someone for the rest of your life... He takes care of himself & maybe at some point, it would be my honor to take care of him if that is where we are in Life... I accept him for who he is not his disabilities... Thank you for letting me Vent.. ; ) Love Struck!