Should You Keep It From Your Kids?hmmm

It is not anyone's place to tell others how to raise their children. amy and I are parents of 2 beautiful girls that we love with everything we have. We have tried our best to raise them the very best we knew how. We have had good advice and horrid advice over the years, AND we have made great choices and terrible choices over the years. Through it all we have tried to do what is best for them to have happy healthy lives with the best chance of success for their futures.

So please understand that what I am posting here is simply my humble opinion. I am not judging anyone else's parenting nor do I think my opinion is the only right one. Each of us knows our own family best and must raise them accordingly.

SO first let me start by saying I firmly agree that children do not need to be privy to the intimate details of their parents' lives.

That being said I think kids are so much smarter that we give them credit for and are aware of so much more than we allow ourselves to believe. amy and I thought our kids could never possibly know since we were sooooo good at hiding it all. Yeah that could not be further from the truth lol.

The problem is that when so much effort is put into hiding it how do you explain it when the kids do figure it out (and they always do) without appearing like your doing something shameful or Bad?

It works like any of the facts of life told to your children. When your child is 3 and asks where do babies come from you give them only the info they can handle at that age. As they grow "the talk" evolves to fit their ability to comprehend at their given age. Yet thru all of this you probably would never describe your favorite position etc.

It's the same with living a DD lifestyle. Its not a good idea to share everything OR (please don't) show mommy getting the loop. But there is nothing wrong with explaining that mommy has to listen to daddy or she will get into trouble. Even small children can relate to this since that is how they live. They have to listen to mommy and daddy and teachers etc., or they get into trouble. It is a good thing since it reinforces that everyone is accountable to someone.

As they age you can decide (with discretion, and common sense) how much more they can know. This doesn't mean that they see mommy tied spread eagle and caned lol. (No Seriously NEVER do that.) But it does mean that they know daddy isn't abusing mommy, that mommy is submissive to daddy, that they love and respect each other, and that you are Not ashamed of your life.

When a child is growing up having self esteem self respect and pride in your self and your life are essential to a well adjusted adulthood. Be discreet of course but don't let them think you are or should be ashamed of your life choices.

Well that's my soap box. I pray I did not offend anyone. Whatever you choose good luck to you and God bless your families.
amysdaddy amysdaddy
41-45, M
20 Responses Jan 21, 2013

i agree... boy children should grow up seeing it. So they will do it in their own marriages and daughters should also see it because they need to learn how to obey their boyfriend or husbands ...i hope u will only give your daughter to a man who practices discipline. I have a 16 yr old step daughter and we took her boyfriend to the side and explained we expected him to keep her safe and obedient. If she causes him problems over his knee she goes..My 17 yr old step son practices it with the girls he dates.Hes dating 3 different girls right now and if it wasnt for discipline it would be chaos.

hi. our twin girls learned that mummy was spanked for being naughty, they too were spanked by daddy and mommy

ii do agree children should know that mommy gets spank like they do when naughty if yo ufeel they are old enough to understand about dd then by all mans explain but best for kids to know mummy is spank no hiding fact she is

My only issue with some of this is that it tends to reinforce gender stereotypes. For example, I would see a relationship as a partnership. My girlfriend / wife is equal. If we had a DD relationship then that'd be a fun sexual thing (not suitable for children to know about). If I had kids, I don't think I'd want them to think that it's normal (or even alright) for a girl to submit that way to a man. I actually don't really like that anywhere in society. I would be interested in responses to this as I'm genuinely interested and not here to offed anyone (just like the op).

I did think this was an interesting, well-written post. Kind of what EP should be about - at least to me.

DD isn't just a sexual thing. The spankings aren't fun, they do hurt, they are meant to correct. Now..afterwards sex might come along. Daddy likes reform, change for the better, focus, and complete submission. However, there are people who are into spanking for strict sexual pleasure. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! But Domestic Discipline IS different from having a spanking fettish. Either though, I believe isn't suitable for children to fully be aware of. I agree that it might shape their views on gender roles. Being submissive to a man should be a choice. And I'd never want my son to feel that he needed to discipline his wife in order to be a strong man. Anyway, we all know our own children best! We all have the right totry and raise them as we see fit. :).

Just let them think you're kinky. All girls know what kinky is (unless maybe if they're home-schooled) because some nasty boy or know-it-all girl WILL tell them.

While we don't just flaunt it in front of our kids, they figured it out. It's only as big a deal as the parents make it out to be. Knowing the dynamics of our relationship never harmed our kids. At this point, they are older and it's just not something they give much thought to either way.

Lol, well I am the wife. Yes, several years ago they did hear some things and it wasn't difficult for them to put two and two together. They have seen him give me swats but they have never seen him actually spanking me. We do try to give ourselves some privacy for that. They are in their late teens.

There are times that I assume they may hear something, but we don't really discuss it. Honestly, it's not something they really give any thought to. Beyond that, I don't really ever talk about my kids on this site. Thanks.

That's ok. I'm just very careful, especially on this particular site. I talk about my own self, lol, just not them.

kimkan there are a million spanked wives with kids on here... for real....

1 More Response

My parents never spanked each other. We had four kids with a span of thirteen years between the oldest and youngest in the house, and had they done or attempted to do this, at least one of us would have seen or heard it, as we were always in and out of the house.

I am a grown woman now, but I didn't learn from my parents about "the birds and the bees" - I got my education from an older sister and the grade school playground. I was therefore shocked when my brother told me about his then-13 (now almost16) year-old son wanted to know why his father and mother didn't "make love". (He has the only bedroom in the apartment; his parents sleep on the pullout couch.) Compared to what he knows about "the act" I was a virtual innocent at that age.

My husband and I just had a discussion about something like this. Our kids are very young, too young to understand anything like this. Since we just "readjusted" our DD routine so that my husband comes home and makes sure everything is in line, and if it's not I will immediately be "dealt with". But my husband said that he didn't want it to be like, every time we come out of the bedroom together I'm crying. So we just agreed that I will stay in the room until I calm down, or go to the bathroom and take a shower or something. Basically just avoid seeing the kids after a spanking until I am calm again.

We tried to hide it when the kids were smaller, but as you write, kids are smart and it is almost impossible to keep secrets for them. Further, it become problematic always to wait for "the right time" to punish my wife. Now our girls know that dad sometimes gives a spanking to mom as well if she has done something bad. We have spent quite a bit of time explaining to them that I am not angry with my wife and that she is just spanked like the girls are. She is never spanked in front of the girls. The girls seem to accept this and take no special attention to this.

lauchar
thatis good n reason to hide it from the kids best they know up front you spank mom an why for punishment just like they get
mygirls know i spank there mom

lauchar
that is good my daughters know my wife is spank an they are fine with it they know there mom does naughty things an gets punished like they do an i think they have more respect for there mom now that they know she is punished

i agree with you fully children are smart an if you dont let them in on things it could be worst down the road
i am in CDD marriage an my two daughters when they lived at home know i spank there mom for when she does not behave obey just as they get spank
that way if they hear her get spank or happen to see her bottom it is not shock an thing wrong idea

Very well written and I agree 100%

I think you have to worry about them telling other people.

I agree - there is nothing wrong with daughters learning that daddy must be obeyed. Children will perceive corporal punishment as a form of domestic violence - so spanking mom in front of the children is not a good idea, but telling them that good girls always respect daddy's decisions and later their husbands' is good upbringing. It will prepare them for a happy marriage without bickering and nagging.

i feel that the children shold know that daddy spanks mommy so they dont think anything bad between them
all the yneed to know is when you dont behave you get spank well mommy does not behave an she gets spank also the ywill understand an know it is fine when it happens

yes i feel same nothing wrong wtih kids knowing that daddy spanks mommy when nuaghty it jus tteaches that children an moms get span ksame no matter what so that the kids dont feel they are being misused

If you want to do this and your life partner wants to practice it, okay - more power to you. But if you decide to explain this to your kids in whatever way, please DON'T give them the impression that they can haul off and hit Mommy when she punishes them for something they did wrong - that's not how the game is played. Neither is threatening "I'm gonna tell Daddy on you!" just to see if Daddy will punish Mommy with a spanking. They don't have to witness it - the slaps on Mommy's bottom can be heard even in another room.

Laugh if you want - but I have seen kids raise their fists to the punishing parent (and, on one occasion, actually hit her) because they didn't agree with her discipline. Once a kid gets away with something like that and is never corrected instantly, he or she will assume it's perfectly okay to hit and hit whenever and whoever.

MaryJanine.

In my family both mom and I were spanked openly. I saw my mom taken over Daddy's knee when she deserved a spanking and all it did was make me understand how normal it is for a woman to be spanked by a man when she messes up. Like, "Of course Daddy's spanking my mom. She disobeyed him. That's what happens... DUH!"

Thankyou for that, we are keeping our DD a definite secret from our kids but they do understand that daddy is the boss and mummy does what daddy tells her to.

Well said. Definite food for thought as my HOH and I have not crossed this bridge yet. However, we have discussed it and wondered how we handle it. Thank you for the insight.

I love the way you have explained this.

There is no need to specify to children about how particularly daddy reinforces his wishes where mommy is concerned. Just so long as they know it's important

I agree. I often say "oops daddy is probably not gonna be very happy with mama about that..." and nothing more. lol. but my oldest is two so it doesn't matter much yet.

that's how we deal with it too.

I wouldn't want to know what my parents get up to lol