I am very passionate about love and this is currently what is happening to me
I fell deeply crazy in love for a man 6 years ago and he fell for me I will call him Tom, My love for him defied logic, circumstances etc. the problem is that he suffers from mild mental disorders, apparently genetic. He suffers from panic attacks, depression, anxiety and some other stuff, to a stranger he is not a good catch . His situation makes him in some degree handicapped to have a good job, and achieve his personal goals. I did not choose to fall in love w him it just happened. I tried everything possible to not feel like this , I went to therapy , hypnosis you name it. (BTW I always had a great relationship with my dad , and I had very good boyfriends too) anyways we only dated briefly because he had an off and on relationship with a woman who is 12 years his senior and who he met 15 years ago when he was 20.
He felt guilty and had anxiety attacks every time that she called him crying asking to take her back . Anyways he dumped me because he went back with her and I was shatter like never before. I really went to a deep dark place, and Less than a month after that , He asked me to forgive him but it was too painful , I adored him but I just had to move on with more sanity in my life. That happened 5 years ago, he haven't stop texting me , he always reminds me how much He loves me , and I still love him too. we also work in the same building so I see him often. I haven't stop thinking about him a single day. But thinking about not leaving a normal life due to his mental process kind of scares me. So I loved him at the distance, but This is the weird twist of the story:
3 years ago I started a great relationship with the most awesome guy , he is my best friend , he is fun, loving, he protects me , he is very passionate too. And my family adores him. Well I told him since I met him about my story with Tom and he was cool about us still texting and once in a whileeeeee going for lunch.
My boyfriend proposed to me a year ago, we have plans to grow older and have kids, he knows that I miss Tom deeply and I still love him , so he told me to go for it OO to give him another chance , I was WHAT?! He says that he loves me so much that he doesn't care about me loving someone else because he is very grateful to have me in his life. And he doesn't care because he adores me . And
If being with Tom too makes me happy go for it . I told Tom about this and he thinks the same too. ?????? Wow he says he is very grateful to have me in his life no matter the circumstances. That he respects my fiancé because he loves me and protects me. So I love both on them deeply, differently but both very intense, my relationship with my fiancé is getting stronger because of this . I am very happy and I feel very loved and I finally told Tom that I still love him and it feels so good too , I released something that I was carrying for so long. I don't want to think about sex yet , I am currently only with my fiancé . But it just feels awesome to feel loved so much by the 2 loves of my life. Having my fiancé is incredible, and I know that Toms loves me to the top of his capabilities , right now I am glowing
CarolCarter CarolCarter
41-45, F
2 Responses Aug 15, 2014

Sounds like you are considering a polyamorous lifestyle (just applying a label to the situation). I think these scenarios have as much chance of working as "normal" relationships. And, what have you got to lose? Not everyone will understand and some people will judge (not suggesting anyone has here) but you can't live your life for other people. Do what makes you happy and have integrity in building the life you want. That's all anyone can really do.

Wow.. That is a very interesting situation. Do you feel you can manage to find time to love both of them? I wonder if this is healthy for all of you, including him having to deal with mental illness? I guess as long as you are all communicating, and are happy, that's all that matters. :)