Out Of Control Anger

My husband is a Pastor & we've been married for over 2yrs. He has slapped me across my face several times & has even chocked me. I'm 39wks pregnant now & he's slapped me 2x today because I told him that he turned the tap off & he swears I did it. I didn't back down, but, I didn't disrespect him by raising my voice or anything like that. His comment was get out out of my face before I slap the crap outta you, I boldly said if it will make you feel better then do it. He did. Not once but, twice. Then I went to lay down & his temper kept flaring because I wasn't acting like a coward & backing down. It escalated & he put his largely sized hand over my mouth & nose & was pushing me down on the bed.

I want to live a Christian life but, I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's not the first time he's slapped me or chocked me during this pregnancy. I love my Husband & I love the Lord more, but, what am I to do?
Hopey40 Hopey40
13 Responses May 20, 2012

LEAVE HIM! The Bible does not say you stay under these circumstances. Jesus didn't die for you to be enslaved to others.

Hello I am not a pastor's wife but a pastor's kid. I am now an adult but have been living with an abusive dad for all these years. His hitting has stopped when I turned 20 only because God gave me conviction to talk to him and say what was on my heart. He has stolen my happiness and my siblings have all left church but the reason I stayed with God is because He touched my heart and spoke to me many times. I am finally moving away from him and am relieved to be free. He was always afraid I would leave but do not let that shake your heart. I say that you deserve happiness and freedom from the chains he will have on you. It is true...NO man should EVER hurt his wife but especially a pastor. If a husband cheats or abuses you, you have EVERY right to leave. You dont have to divorce him but let him learn and change on his own and do NOT go back unless you know for sure he wouldnt hit you. BUT i doubt it will ever stop for a longgg time. My dad has been preaching for over 10 years and he still has many anger issues and sometimes drinks. I am soooo sad I allowed him to continue to take blessings away from me. Dont talk yourself out by saying ...well sometimes he can be so caring and sensitive. It is NEVER right what he is doing and highly unlikely he will know what hes doing is wrong. I bet it is not only hitting but verbal and mental abuse as well which cannot be easily fixed. As about divorce you have time to think about it and ask God to lead you with that BUT your CHILD should never be put through this. IT IS NOT EVEN A QUESTION!!!! PLEASE! Having been a child of abuse it ruins your view and trust towards the world and people. Do not let him EVER hurt the child it will leave a scar for life and lead to behavioral/emotional problems later in life; usually teenage years would be the worst. I am thankful to God still because the experience has allowed me to love Him and have a passion to help others. It is your choice but this is the advice I can give to you.

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It is Jan. 5, 2014

i suggest that you keep him before the Lord and continue to show the love of God with wisdom. In the meantime get involved in ministry. in other words whatever your hands find to do DO It. Look through the eyes of the Spirit and not the eyes of the flesh.

In addition. if your self esteem is down then it's possible that the spouse had something to do with the declining of your self esteem. It has been said that one can tell how well the husband is treating the wife by how she looks. Also the same is true for the wife.

And lastly, who are you comparing yourself to. If so, continue to enhance yourself
and be the best first lady you can be as unto the Lord - and then sit back and watch the movie and see the salvation of the Lord.

In conclusion, an abusive husband is acting out in what he feels and thinks about himself. Its not you he's angry with he's obviously angry with himself, otherwise he would not be hurting you. Remember this, people who are usually happy within themselves enjoy seeing others happy as well. And also remember that misery loves company.

Now get up from there and continue your assignment as first lady -behave as unto the Lord - read what the scriptures say regarding marriage and separation.

My fellow sister in the Lord be blesses and above all be encouraged!!!!

Does your church have a bishop, president, some kind of overseer? It sounds like you need a pastor of your own. If the church doesn't have some kind of overseer I would go visit one that does. Remember that the seal of confession doesn't allow them to speak about anything you say unless you give them permission. You are a precious child of God. Remember that! God bless you.

BTW I believe that God wants you to be safe, and protect the life growing in you. He would not condemn you if you left.

You need to get out of the situation ASAP! Find a friend you can stay with, or a family member. He needs to get his head on straight. While I am a strong believer in marraiges staying together, if this continues, you need to leave. Also, PLEASE tell an elder minister, or a trusted pastor about his actions. It may be embarrassing...but they can talk to him!

I agree. Leave your husband. He doesn't need to be a pastor. Find a battered women's shelter or tell a relative. Do NOT tell him you are leaving. Just go. He'll figure it out.

Hope, Living the Christian life do not include being abuse whether you or in or out of the Church. And Love does not include him abusing you. Sometimes because of the job they have there is so much they have to hold inside and not talk about. But he seems to be taking his out on you. I think you need to seek help. and if it requires getting out then that is what you need to de. Ihave been a pastor wife for 43 years. and have never experience anything like that.

Totally agree with girlinthesky

Yes I think by staying in the relationship as it is is actually dishonoring God by putting his child in danger of not only physical but emotional problems in his/her future and yours. Truth is, this is a spiritual (demonic) issue that he needs to deal with. Pray that he goes before God about this and repents. Even is he does this, he's going to need extended counseling from another pastor and/or professional. In the meantime, you must seek a safe place to live. Good luck and God bless you and your family.

Do you have pastors or leaders over your husband? If so you need to tell them of the abuse. Your husband has no business being a pastor if he cannot control his temper. Find a safe place to go, like a womans shelter. Get a hold of your district head ( if you have one) and tell them. They in turn should descipline him. Biblically he should be reprimanded in front of the Church body because he is in leadership and more is expected of him. If he is a pastor with no head over him,then leave until he gets counseling. If he refuses do not go back. God doea not say we must take being abused. Get out and get help. If there is no place to go where you live drive to a big city and go to the police station. They can gwt you into a shelter. Love is not enough. Respect yourself and do not let the abuse continue. You are the only one who can stop it. If he gets counseling and then returns to abusing you that usually means he will always be abusive. Know the abuse gets worse each time you stay or go back.

I agree that your husband needs help, but he most likely won't admit that. It will be up to you to set the boundaries and make the consequences clear. You hit me again, and I will leave until you get help. It's going to be awkward because nobody likes to think of their pastor as wife basher. It's not an appropriate way for him to deal with his stress and whatever other stuff he has going on. You don't have to accept this treatment in the name of being a good christian wife.<br />
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I'm guessing you've had the baby now. Hope the delivery went well.

Leave your husband.<br />
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I didn't say to divorce him. But you need to leave and get out of that situation. God has placed a precious, precious life in your belly and He has granted you the responsibility to care for one of His children just as He cares for us - just as He cares for you. God does not want you to be choked and slapped.<br />
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Your husband needs help. Desperately. He needs to get therapy. And until then, you need to get out of that house.