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The "other Woman" Is His Church

My husband works...a LOT. Like over 80 hours /week.  He hasn't used any of his vacation time in years. He always says "There's too much work to do".
He was not like this when our children were at home. We went on family vacations, picnics during the week and we went out occasionally, just the 2 of us.
Since the kids have married, and the church has grown - he is consumed by his job. He hasn't taken a day off in months. Anyone else going through this? How do you handle it?
SweetMar SweetMar 51-55, F 4 Responses Jun 5, 2012

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I understand for years my husbands priorities were out of order. I even went to other leaders in our church and because they all were dysfunctional no one saw my side. It took us experiencing a family crisis for my husband to finally get it. Pray for him and let him know how you feel, his first ministry us always his family and sometimes we have to remind them if this.

Remind your husband that if he wants to really serve the church, then he must take time off to be refreshed. He needs at least one day off a week (Biblical ) and he needs a vacation. Otherwise the consequences may be bad. Here are some: total burnout, a total nervous breakdown, or he could lose his wife. He must remember God said rest. That was not for God but man. We need rest, mentally, spiritually,and physically. He can never work hard enough to repay Gos forr dying for him, so he needs to stop trying to. He can do more ; longee and better with a little rest. Ask him 'who will do it when you die'? He needs to begin training somebody to be an assist pastor if thwre is that much work. One thing you xan so is go to the xhurch ans help him. Pray with him, clean or repair stuff with him and spend time with him there, helping him.

Hi! I'm new to the group. You need to pray and allow the Holy Spirit to word your mouth, and then talk to your husband. Me and my husband have been married for 15 years, he 's been in ministry 10 years and pastoring for 3. Like u he refused to spend anytime with me and he wasn't a Sr. Pastor at that time. He would cancel vacations and date nights. It was only when I began to work outside the home did things slowly begin to change. After I became pregnant, I made demands and he listened. And once he became pastor we made some rules and set boundaries. We take yearly family vacations and two short trips, just the two of us, at least twice a year. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. He really needs a vacation. It will strengthen his ministry and your marriage.

Sorry to read your story. We were in ministry for 15 years and have been out for 10 now. I'm just starting to realise I was partly responsible for accepting the scraps and leftovers because I never demanded more. After all it's pretty hard to compete with saving the world, right! I also felt like the church was the other woman, and she was a nasty, ugly one at that, at times, but she still got his best.<br />
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I know it may sound simplistic, but I would begin by asking for what you want. Explain why you need it. Remind him that he can't save anybody, the Holy Spirit will do that. It is biblical to have rhythms in life, a day off a week, annual time off, and breaks. His ministry will be ruined if you leave him. Even though the kids have left, you are still somebody, and deserving of time and attention.<br />
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In terms of setting some boundaries about what is acceptable for you, and having your needs met - which are legitimate - I would come up with some consequences that will get his attention. Maybe have some counselling yourself so you have support when you try to make some changes, and someone outside your own head to bounce ideas off. Sometimes we can feel selfish about having needs of our own, but it's not. Our husbands made promises to us to love, cherish and protect us. they need our help be the husbands God wants them to be, and for us to flourish and glorify Him in the process. He may need you to rescue him from himself.<br />
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Remember you are precious and worthy of time and attention. It's not selfish, it's how we were created. <br />
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xx