Actually a Reformed People Pleaser - Thank God - It's Exhausting!
I could seriously write a book on this one. This past year I have been on depression med's due largely in part to my people pleasing obsession my whole life. To the point that a yr & a half ago I had a break down (in Be Jing, China's airport of all places) because I didn't have the balls to speak up for myself or my daughter because I thought I (we) weren't worthy to grab 2 of the only 5 tickets available back to the states. Of course my good for nothing (soon to be ex) husband sure did and left us behind to fend for ourselves for 3 days in a foreign speaking country. Of course he didn't care, he would have the house to himself for a while - yippee! Hope he had fun then because he's paying the price now. A lot more to this story, I may write another time.
Suffice it to say, this was the beginning of a journey that ultimately led to my freedom from the prison called "People Pleasers Prison". It is an exhausting, time consuming roller coaster ride of insecurity, co-dependency (most p.p's are codependents - look it up), bitterness, resentment, anger, loneliness and fear just to name a few. And how or who, you ask, helped to deliver me from the shackles of this disease?
I am SO happy to share so that you other P.p's can be delivered!!! I signed up with a retreat (can't think of what to call it exactly) called Grace Adventure. Or if any of you are from the south, you may be familiar with the Barnabus Project created by our dearly loved Dr Phil McGraw. Yes, you heard me right - Dr. Phil. All 4 Journey's (which take place at a nice hotel for 4 different weekends) were designed by Dr. Phil himself. And believe me, it works! If you allow it to. No matter whats ailing you - emotional, physical, trauma etc... this is for any human, no matter how old or young. Well, they do have an age limit of 16 - 17 or older.
So if you want to go deep and get to the root of your problems people. See what is in your town. Another one is "Breakthrough" which is almost identical to Grace Adventure.
I'm still a work in progress, it takes time to break life long behaviors but I'm SO much better than I was a year ago for sure!
By the way you PP's, a good book to start reading in the mean time is called "Boundaries" *When to say YES *When to say NO to Take Control of your life. Author's are Dr's Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Good luck to all!